I'm not much of a sports fan, but I sure enjoyed Derek Jeter's dramatic performance in Wednesday night's Tampa Bay Rays/New York Yankees game. In the top of the seventh inning, Jeter appeared to have been hit in the left arm by a pitch from the Rays' Chad Qualis. If it wasn't for the magic of slow motion, Derek's reaction of spinning around, grabbing his elbow, and doubling over in agony would have been completely convincing—however, during the replay, it's clear the ball connected with the end of the bat. It didn't even touch him.
Is Jeter a cheater, or is this to be expected in baseball? I never knew pretending to be hit was a strategic sports move, but apparently it's not uncommon. Jeter defended the drama-queen move, saying:
'It's part of the game. My job is to get on base.'
Jeter's performance was so believable, I thought maybe he could consider a side gig advising some of Hollywood's least talented move stars. For instance:
Keanu Reeves. I don't avoid movies because of the guy, and I like certain things he's been in—but he's probably the very worst actor I've ever seen rise to such a level of fame. He should probably be dragged out back and shot for his atrocious accent in Dracula alone.
Madonna. Just . . . oh god. Yeah. Wow. I don't even think she could adequately pretend to be hit with a baseball, really.
Jennifer Aniston. I'm really sorry to include her in this list, because I like her, and she was great in The Good Girl, Office Space, and of course Friends. It's just that every other movie she's ever made has been, well, such a total piece of dogshit.
Hugh Grant. Look, I'm foppish! Look, I'm British! Look, I'm a mild-mannered aging bachelor with romantic entanglements! Gah. It's not that he's awful, it's just that he's so incredibly typecast. Jeter, teach this guy to do something other than stutter charmingly, okay?
Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba is lucky she's incredibly hot, that's all I'll say about her acting talent. I think some coaching from Mr. Oh-Jesus-My-Elbow would do her well.
Can you think of any other all-time bad movie stars that need to attend the Derek Jeter School of Method Acting?
Image via the_defiance