Long gone are the days when the MTV VMAs featured such outrageous moments as the infamous Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley smooch, and Britney Spears dancing with a snake. Now, viewers are treated -- punished? -- to a much less interesting version with loads of commercials, over-the-top choreography and set design, and ... not much else. Last night's tedious show was no exception. Here are a few of the more disappointing moments.
1. Chelsea Handler is funny. Really, really funny. But she took a vacation from funny while hosting the show last night. Most of her jokes tanked, her timing was off, she was so nervous! Where's the dead-pan snark we know and love? Getting knocked up in the Jersey Shore hot tub was hilarious, but you can only laugh about herpes so many times before it starts to get old.
2. Lindsay Lohan pulls a Kate Gosselin at the Emmys -- and no one cares. Lohan spoofed herself in the opening number (see why they had to tape her segment beforehand) but doesn't realize that it's still too early to be joking about rehab. Next.
3. Eminem gives us a brilliant performance in the first few minutes but then doesn't stick around to accept his two awards. Don't do this to me, MTV!
4. You can usually count on the VMAs for high-energy performances and unusual but killer musical collaborations. But with the exception of Eminem, Florence and the Machine, and Kanye West, the performances were mostly straight-forward and by-the-book. Where's the triple kiss? Where's the strip show? At the very least, could we have a baby snake?
5. Lady Gaga wears meat -- again? This might have been outrageous if she hadn't done it five days earlier.
6. Somewhere along the line it became acceptable for performers to focus all their energy on dance moves while not even trying to cover up the fact that they are lip-syncing (I'm talking to you Usher and Biebs). Although, maybe Britney and the snake are to blame for that.
8. I get that Nicki Minaj is an up-and-coming star, but did we have to see her four times?
9. What was so wrong about Justin Bieber's performance? Let me count the ways. It was so obviously lip-synced (see above). It was in an octave that only dogs can hear. He was dancing with toddlers. He played the drums. Even MTV thought it was so terrible that they relegated him to the outside stage.
10. Why have the Glee kids at all if we can't hear them sing? This is a music show after all!
What did you think of the VMAs?
Image via MTV.com