Rich Cronin Was a Nonsense Lyric Genius

Brittny Drye

lyricsWe've all made up our own lyrics to a song only to find out (usually from our friends making fun of us) that we were waaay off. But sometimes, the original lyrics made about as much sense, if not less, than our imaginative version.

Perfect case: The recently deceased Rich Cronin (RIP) of LFO's "Summer Girls" lyrics.

Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

Gah, I loved that song. It had all the elements: Larry Bird, Shakespeare, Michael J. Fox! Do you have any idea how long it took to learn the proper lyrics because they were so weird? I studied those cassette tape lyrics for hours. But you know what, I can still rap off that entire song.

There are tons of other songs out there with lyrics that make you ask, What were they thinking? or, in some cases, What were they on?! but here are our favorite five:

  1. Barenaked Ladies' "One Week": Chinese chickens and X-Files!
    Chickity China the Chinese chicken
    You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
    Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
    We're dans la maison
    I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
  2. The Beatles' "I Am the Walrus": I think it's obvious they weren't high on just life when they wrote this.
    Semolina pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
    Elementary penguin singing Hari Krishna.
    Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
    I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
    I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.
  3. Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al": My question is, who was Al?
    Don't want to end up a cartoon
    In a cartoon graveyard
    Bonedigger Bonedigger
    Dogs in the moonlight
    Far away my well-lit door
    Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
    Get these mutts away from me 
  4. The Beatles' "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds": Yep, The Beatles make this list again.
    Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,
    Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.
    Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
    That grow so incredibly high.
  5. Eiffel 65's "Blue (Da Be De)": Blue people in a blue world who drive blue cars -- completely make sense.
    I have a blue house with a blue window.
    Blue is the colour of all that I wear.
    Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.
    I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.
    Blue are the people here that walk around,
    Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside.
    Blue are the words I say and what I think.

What's your favorite nonsense lyric song?


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