A woman named Mocienne Petit Jackson has recently filed legal documents claiming she's the illegitimate love child of none other than Michael Jackson.
She says that back in 1975, 17-year-old Michael Jackson impregnated her mom Barbara, who oddly enough happens to be Diana Ross's sister—but that's not even the weirdest part of the story, because she also says that when she was 9, MJ's mother Katherine Jackson arranged to have her (Mocienne) abducted and sent to Belgium to protect Michael's reputation.
Naturally, all 7 of her would-be abductors were murdered. Because this has been a cover up of EPIC PROPORTIONS, people! This poor woman, living under such hellish circumstances, kept from the father she never knew. Won't somebody think of how she's suffered? Won't somebody pay her, like, a whole crapload of cash?
Well, as you might imagine, she's coming forward at this time so that she can formally claim part of her father's inheritance. It's what she deserves, right? What with all the murdered abductors and the Belgium exile and the roiling mental illness and grifter tendencies and all.
Oh, and she also wants custody of Michael Jackson's children so she can give them "a more normal life".
Why, just think of what she could offer those children! A life rich with possibilities! And money! And INSANITY!
Really, it would probably be just like living with their dad.
Perhaps not surprisingly, an L.A. County judge ruled whatever the legal version of "Oh HELL no, girlfriend" is. Her court-ordered DNA test was denied, and hopefully whatever shyster lawyer she retained to file this whole thing has been taken out back and horsewhipped for wasting taxpayer time.
I know, I know. You're wondering, hey, just how do YOU know she's lying? Maybe she really IS Michael Jackson's love child!
Just ask yourself: can YOU imagine MJ having sex at 17? . . . with a woman?
What's your call? She's a girl who claims he's the one, but is the kid his son? Er, daughter?
Image via MichaelJackson.com