'Jersey Shore' Recap: The Situation Finally Has Sex

April Peveteaux
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the situation has sex with a trannySnooki and the gals kick off this week's Jersey Shore as they sport sombreros and drink leftover beer (with a cigarette twist) and Snooki flashes her vagina. Which naturally puts Snooks in the mood to hit up every dude's bed until she decides Vinny's is just right.

This is the first inter-house hook-up of the night and we learn Vinny has a huge penis. Like a watermelon through a pinhole, to be as descriptive as Snooki.

Which is to say, all of this is just build-up to The Situation's very open-minded sex-capades this week and the ultimate smack-down due to even more fall-out from THE NOTE.

The house mates are as fed up with the Sammi/Ronnie drama as we are and even seem to have figured it all out. JWoww knows that Sammi could even see Ronnie cheating and she still wouldn't leave him, and Mike tells Sammi that she "looks horrible" for going back to Ron. They're right, but The Situation really comes out, so to say, in this episode where he finally gets laid.

Lots more on that later, but things get crazy as Sammi spins like Ophelia trying to figure out if she's in love with Ron, or angry with Ron, or grateful that someone finally told her what was happening, or furious that someone finally told her he was cheating. Yikes.

The house turns into a Fellini movie surrounding the note, Ronnie's cheating, who knew, when they knew it, who is Sammi more angry at -- Ronnie or JWoww. That is, if Fellini couldn't complete a sentence and said f**k all the time.

The drama ends when Sammi decides to look to Ronnie to figure out what she should do with all of her conflicted feelings and mistrust. Excellent choice. Then she re-reads the note. Fin.

Forty-two ounces of body spray and Ron-Ron juice later, everyone heads out to the club. And this is where the monumental occasion of The Situation losing his virginity takes place.

Mike finally picks up a girl he doesn't deem a grenade, but decides he needs to eat a four-course dinner first, while she waits in his bedroom. Then they have SEX. Yes, it happens. But Mike quickly heads back out to talk to his friends and proceeds to call a taxi for the lucky lady and sends her home. The gay rumor stands and in fact gains more weight as The Situation makes out with a tranny a few nights later. Yes, he did!

But even more sparks fly the next time everyone heads to the club. Pauly D is loaded, Mike's little sister, Melissa, is in town, and Vinny grabs a piece of that one more time. Which emboldens him to break into the girl sh*t talk -- which is irrelevant in its idiocy -- that leads to a full contact fight between JWoww and Sammi.

There will be more on that train wreck, next week.

 

Image via MTV


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