It's official: Bethenny Frankel has quit The Real Housewives of New York City. Unlike her Jersey counterpart, this housewife exit makes me very, very sad. With a heavy, yet resigned, heart (listen, I know she needs to move on) I submit this, an open letter to Bethenny begging her to return to the drama.
You don't know me, but I know you. Oh, do I know you and your troubled relationship with your parents, Jill Zarin, that wacky Kelly, and your dating woes in NYC. I felt your pain as you flew to say goodbye to your dying father, almost as acutely as the outrage I felt during your first nutty verbal beat-down courtesy of Kelly at the Brass Monkey.
And that, my dear, is why you HAVE to remain a cast member of The Real Housewives of New York. No one inspires the crazy in Kelly like you. She grabbed on to you "like a dog with a bone" and has never been able to let go. It's a very special kind of insanity, bordering on stalking, I would even say. Hell, the woman couldn't even give you a break when you were pregnant and had just buried your father. She's not going to soften just because you have a baby in your arms. That's the kind of TV we want! Heck, that we need!
Whatever will Kelly do without you to push her schizo button? Do you think Ramona can do it? No way. She's just not as threatening, nor as sharp with the tongue. Alex won't be able to come up with a coo-coo-ka-choo descriptive as quickly or accurately as you do. Kelly will be positively boring next season without her favorite target.
And don't even get me started on Jill.
Somehow you get under everyone's skin, and in the process good television is made. Without you, they are nothing. I know Bethenny Getting Married did really well for you, and kudos on your success. But I can't sit through one more episode of you and Jason and Bryn without the balance of your former cast mates. No offense, but you and Jason just do not have the chemistry as you and Jill, Kelly, or even that dumba**, LuAnn.
Come back home, Bethenny. RHONY fans need you.