Elin Nordegren Woods' Interview: What She Wanted to Spill About Tiger, But Couldn't

Kim Conte
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elin nordegren

Have you read the excerpts from Elin Nordegren Woods' interview with People magazine?

They're mind-numbingly boring!

Those of us hoping Nordegren would unleash her fury over her very recent divorce and Tiger Woods' infidelity will have to make due with her bland, careful answers: The 30-year-old mother of two remained classy and respectful, and even sounded forgiving of her ex throughout the entire four-day interview.

It's likely Nordegren was bound by the divorce settlement -- a rumored $100 million -- from spilling any really juicy details. Here's what we think Elin Nordegren would say after a glass of wine or two ...

Allow us to expand on Ms. Nordegren's responses:

When asked how she is coping with the scandal:

What she said: "I've been through hell ... I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children."

What she meant: I'm sad, but do you know what makes it a whole lot worse? Reading about it every day in the stupid tabloids.

 

When asked how much money she received in the divorce settlement:

What she said: "Money can't buy happiness or put my family back together."

What she meant: Money can buy happiness. I'll never have to work again. And my family is more than enough provided for. But if I tell you that, everyone will call me "money-grubbing."

 

When asked how she plans to move on from the divorce:

What she said: "My immediate plan is for the kids and me to continue to adjust to our new situation. I am going to keep taking classes, but my main focus is to try to give myself time to heal."

What she meant: We're going to spend that money, of course.

 

When asked how Tiger hid his infidelity from her:

What she said: "I'm so embarrassed that I never suspected [his affairs] -- not a one."

What she meant: Who could keep track of all those women?

 

When asked if she believed that her marriage to Tiger was "real":

What she said: "The word betrayal is just not strong enough ... I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children."

What she meant: "The word betrayal is just not strong enough ... I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children."

(*This is such a sad answer -- no translation needed.)

 

When asked if she beat up Tiger with a golf club:

What she said: "There was never any violence inside or outside our home. The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous."

What she meant: You bet I did.

 

Joking aside, it's nice to see that Nordegren has no intention of being a celebrity and simply wants to remain a private person. In fact, this will be a one-time only discussion of her side of the story.

You know what this means? We'll just have to get our Tiger dirt elsewhere!

What did you think of Elin's interview?

 

Image via People.com

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