While the big news on the Jersey Shore tonight should have been Snooki's insane break-up with her low rent boyfriend, Sammi and Ron couldn't even let her have her moment.
So I'll let Snooki's tale be told first, just so you know how epic an event went down between Emilio, Snooki, JWoww, and various household items.
Snooks hasn't talked to Emilio in a few days, but when she calls, she catches him at a bad time at the club. Drunk Emilio tells Snooki there are half-naked girls at the club back home so she can eff off. Snooki is done with Emilio, but drunk dude repeatedly calls back, mistakes JWoww for an answering machine (we've all made that mistake Emilio, no worries), and eventually gets Snooki on the phone just to tell her that he was drunk and smushed with another girl that night.
Snooki screams in her best Home Alone imitation and JWoww takes care of that drunk loser once and for all. A moment of female empowerment follows, which includes the breaking of the (really nice, and probably paid for by MTV) dishes all over the house.
Although it's not clear if Emilio did cheat on Snooki, didn't cheat and was just trying to pull one over on her, or actually did cheat, then realized how dumb it was that he called her up to tell her. I'm going for the last option.
Anyway, Snooki thinks all men are d-bags and is pretty sure that's why the "lesbian rate" is going up in this country. Nice theorizing Snooks!
But most of the time was spent on the endless cycle of Ronnie and Sammi. Will Ronnie go motorboating again? Does he love her? Will anyone in the house snitch on Ronnie's motorboating ways? It's allll soooo boring.
I will admit, the creating of the anonymous letter by Snooki and JWoww was pretty amazing to watch. Favorite moment other than the ALL CAPS font choice: Snooki felt confident Sammi would never know it was them who wrote it because they used the word "breasts" in the note, and everyone knows Snooki and JWoww would say "tits."
But there were some positives to come of tonight's episode. My top three:
Finally! Some serious GTL.
Vinny and Pauly D know how to work the gelato.
The Situation threw out some new catch initials.
Tune in next week, when OMG, Sammi finds the anonymous note! Or does she?
Image via MTV