Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Making Out ... Just Lost My Girl-Boner

Linda Sharps

You guys. YOU GUYS OMG. You are totally not going to believe this but guess who was spotted, like, totally making out? Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

We knew it! We KNEW they were hooking up! It's just like Bella and Edward in real life! Twilight is like totally real. Oh my god, this is completely blowing my mind, I can't even stop looking at that photo, you guys. It's so hot. Like, the graininess makes it even hotter, you know? The fact that it could be pretty much anyone just adds to the mystique; the romantic, all-consuming supernatural attraction; the love that spans centuries -- oh, man, I am totally picturing the exact conversation they are having while their lips are pressed together and I can barely stand it. I bet it's something like ... something like ...

Robert Pattinson: "Tally ho, Kristen. I say, you're looking extra Bershon today."

Kristen Stewart: "Uccch, whatever. God, you smell like ass."

Pbbbbbbbllllllt. Yeah, so that was the sound of my girl-boner deflating.

Okay, I admit, I may not be in quite the right demographic for this Robert-Kristen obsession. In fact, I might be off by, uh, *coughtwentyyearscough.* I did love the Twilight books (all except the last one, which, in my humble opinion, sucked leprous camel testicles) and will confess that I did in fact get a tiny bit worked up over the constant fang-teasing and maybe, just maybe, was firmly in the Team Edward camp. I only saw the first movie, but while my Edward fervor was more than a little dampened by the filmed reality (bleargh, the sparkling), I still found the characters' romance appealing. In a perfectly legal, non-cougar way, that is. Ahem.

However, as I sadly discovered during my Aragorn phase, actors are rarely as hot as their fictional counterparts. (Aragorn? HOT. Viggo? Ehhhhhhh, not quite the same.)

I know there's like a quintillion Twilight fans totally into the Robert-and-Kristen maybe-maybe-not romance, but I for one want to nominate them as 2010's Unsexiest Couple. She looks perpetually dour and uncomfortable in her own skin; he looks like he's got coffee breath and sticky hair. He needs to shave. She needs to stop slouching. Seriously, give me sparkly vampires any day over these two.

What's your take on the real-life Bella and Edward? Are they hot -- or not?

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