Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Celebrity Dirtbag Face-Off: Male Edition, in which we pair like celebrities in a battle-to-the-death duel to find out who is, in fact, the bigger dirtbag.
Here we go:
REAL HUSBANDS DIVISION: Simon van Kempen, Real Housewives of NYC vs. Jim Bellino, Real Housewives of OC
ROUND 1: Simon pitches a fit that he wasn't invited to a planned girls' night out and crashes in on all the female-centric fun.
ROUND 2: Jim won't change a diaper because it's women's work. Really. He won't.
ROUND 3: Simon verbally browbeats a limo driver for the unspeakable crime of getting lost.
ROUND 4: Jim won't let his wife go away without him. Ever. Even if it's with a bunch of other women and an army of TV cameras going along for the ride.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner: The ever-chauvinistic Jim B. Even though Simon's habit of sporting a Speedo brought him thisclose to victory, domineering spouse will take home the gold every time.
BIGOT DIVISION: Michael Richards vs. Mel Gibson
ROUND 1: Mel erupts in an anti-Semitic and sexist tirade directed at the LAPD personnel who pull him over to issue him a DUI.
ROUND 2: Michael shouts the "N" word at a Hollywood nightclub. Several times. Make that many times. In fact, he couldn't stop.
ROUND 3: Mel allegedly hits his girlfriend while she's holding his baby, screams the "N" word at her, and then ...
Ding! Ding! Ding! 'Nuff said. Mel won in a landslide. (Did I even mention the anti-Latino slurs?)
FAME-WHORE DIVISION: Levi Johnston vs. Spencer Pratt
ROUND 1: Levi gets engaged to baby mama Bristol Palin, breaks up with her, and hits on Sandra Bullock at the Teen Choice Awards. All in the space of a month.
ROUND 2: Spencer is baptized by none other than Stephen Baldwin on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here
ROUND 3: The newly single (again) Levi announces a run for the mayorship of Wasilla, Alaska.
ROUND 4: Spencer attempts to crash The Hills after-party by donning a really, really bad fake wig and beard.
Ding! Ding! Ding! And it's a tie. How can you possibly choose?
Help me out here. Who is the bigger fame-whore? Levi Johnston or Spencer Pratt?
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