'True Blood' Recap: Night of 1,000 Dysfunctional Relationships

Sasha Brown-Worsham

It was the night of ridiculously complicated relationships on the eighth episode of the third season of True Blood last night.

**Spoiler alert**

The night started out with Bill (Stephen Moyer) dumping Sookie (Anna Paquin) in the hospital and she spent about 58 of the 60 minutes in the episode weeping and moping. (The last two were spent engaged in some of the hottest sex I have seen on TV. With Bill, natch.)

Prior to the hot sex with Bill, there was also much hot flirting with Alcide (Joe Manganiello), the werewolf I desperately want to see Sookie get with (even if only once).

Although I AM starting to sense a little bit of Angela and Tony from Who's the Boss? or Maddie and Dave Moonlighting action from Sookie and Alcide. The sexual tension between them is so thick, I worry if they actually do consummate, the show jumps the shark.

Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) continued his obsession with Crystal (Lindsay Pulsipher), who may or may not be an alien (my best guess at what she is ... please don't mock me if you have read the books), which brought him to her house with a gun pointed at her father and face to face with a naked man eating bloody meat on the floor, which Jason was less-than-fazed by.

Also, why is he so into Crystal anyway? Can anyone explain it? I mean she is attractive, but as far as I can tell, they have barely had two real conversations and she brings more drama than Maury Povich. Or wait, this is Jason Stackhouse. That's why.

Eric The Sexy (Alexander Skarsgard) also had a little action last night, only this was of the guy on guy variety. He started with the King's concubine, both got nude, but then the mood was killed when Eric staked him through the back, ending my brief speculation earlier in the episode that Eric really was sucking up to the King when he tried to convince him that he was the "leader I have been waiting for 1,000 years."

Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) showed the first affection I have seen her show for her maker (Bill) when he returned from his long period of time with the King. She told him she missed him and pleaded for his help, which made me wonder if the two of them were going to get it on, too (they didn't).

Tara (Rutina Wesley), meanwhile, is also shaken from her time being kidnapped by Franklin and is unable to engage with anyone on the outside or tell them her story. Worst of all, she is haunted by sexual thoughts of her almost-vampire-husband.

Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) even joined in the dysfunction in this episode when his mother's nurse came out to fetch her from his house and tried to talk Lafayette out of continuing his drug dealing ways.

I didn't even bother to touch on the baby mama drama or the dog fighting because there is only so much dysfunction one can take in a single episode. No matter how bloody and sexy. And this episode most definitely was both.

Whew! Whatever happened to meet, fall in love, get married, be happy, and die? 


Image via HBO.com

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