'Jersey Shore' Recap: Guess Who Gets Hit Tonight?

April Peveteaux
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jersey shore angelina hits pauly dDoes anyone else love the intro music as much as I do? Get crazy!

We're still at the club from last week. The boys and Angelina head back to the house. Ronnie is wasted and says he's going to go get some action from Sammi after he's made out with half of Miami in the club. Ronnie makes it work.

Needless to say, the next morning is ugly. Ronnie sneaks out of Sammi's bed, massively hungover and has no idea how he got there, or really anything else from the night. Ronnie admits he had a Snook night. Except, of course, Snooki didn't get laid at all last season.

Sammi wakes up.

Ronnie decides not to tell Sammi about making out with all the girls. I guess he's just waiting for the reunion special so they can break up again when they realize they've been lying to each other.

Snooki, JWoww, and Sammi go shopping at a tranny shop in Miami. They fit in perfectly. Snooki buys a pair of the craziest crystal glasses you've ever seen, which she actually can't see through. Lots of laughs occur as a result of her blindness, including ruined chicken on the floor.

Paradise for Sammi and Ron doesn't last long as Sammi looks through Ronnie's phone book and finds his ex-girlfriend's phone number. As expected, Sammi goes ballistic on Ronnie while Pauly D and Vinny debate whether Sammi should have invaded Ronnie's privacy. Either way, Pauly D says you gotta prepare for that shit. Word.

Snooki learns the shower is see-through when JWoww is showering. Everyone comes to watch. Boobs!

Angelina is on the phone all the time, because the other ladies still hate her. Snooki and JWoww confront Angelina for talking smack. Girl fight! JWoww says some of her friends overheard Angelina talking about her, Angelina says who? JWoww says J420 and Joey Yanks told her. Angelina said she only met J420 once. JWoww says she's going to beat her ass. No, I totally didn't make that up.

Gossip gets unleashed and everything comes out about Ron's night out. The Situation pushed it and almost spills the fact that Ronnie came in bragging about how he was going to bag Sammi but the boys stop him, calling him The Instigation. Clever!

The Ronnie and Sammi show continues. Sammi apologizes. Ronnie loves/hates Sammie so fucking much. Sammi loves Ron. Those guys are going to get married -- calling it! They can watch Saved by the Bell together for the rest of their lives, since those are the kind of references Ronnie makes to his own life.

Ron goes to get a tattoo and Sammi goes with him and holds his hand. It was so gd romantic.

It's time to head out to the club! Pauly D Axes up and Mike explains "the shirt before the shirt" look. Angelina gets loaded and this, my friends, is where everything gets out-of-control Jersey. 

Pauly D picks up a married woman, Angelina gets on his ass. The Situation gets bit by a girl who rolls off him with no underwear and we're treated to lots of pixels.

They go back to the house and Angelina is drunk as crap and starts fighting with Pauly D, then tells him she's going to marry him. Then she cries, while wearing sunglasses indoors at night. Angelina gets so mixed up about her love, hate, and moral superiority about Pauly D and married women that she has to slap Pauly D. And here I thought Angelina would be on the business end of a slap courtesy of JWoww.

The sad night ends with The Situation and Pauly D exclaiming that Angelina has NO ONE now. Angelina cries, and we're treated to a scene for the next episode where Snooki counsels Angelina on how you come back from being the a-hole of the house.

Scene.

 

 

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