'Real Housewives of DC' Recap: Michaele Salahi Is As Crazy As You Think

April Peveteaux
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real housewives of dcThe first episode of The Real Housewives of DC may not have been as full of drama as a mid-season Danielle breakdown, but we got to meet all the players and figure out who we're going to love and who we're going to hate.

Mary is a DC legacy who spent some years of her childhood at the Kennedy house. She's a mom to five with a handsome husband and feels very Mid-Atlantic. 

Stacie lives in DC, and reminds people that McLean, Virginia (where Mary lives), is not IN DC. The only African American in the cast, Stacie is a very successful Sotheby's real estate agent. Stacie has a cute husband and adorable kids and is way too normal for this show.

Lynda runs the top modeling agency in Washington, DC, and has a much younger boyfriend, Ebong. Oddly Lynda says her modeling agency caters to diplomats and dignitaries, so um ... how exactly do they cater to foreign dignitaries with young, hot models?

Michaele is perpetually preparing to crash a party. She and Tariq, her seemingly rich husband, are already very well-known in the world since the White House debacle last year.

Cat just got to town from the UK. Sensing some scandal here, as she recently moved to join her "childhood sweetheart," a White House photographer, who is not the father of her two children.

Here's what happened in the District:

Michaele and Tariq host what they call the first event of the season that kicks off all of the other galas, America's Polo Cup. Tariq is going to pull a Simon, that much is clear, and as the Captain of America's Polo Team, this is really his event. However, Michaele is playing amped hostess as she hugs everyone and says, "I love you." TO EVERYONE.

Already we've got a little drama as Michaele wonders where Lynda is, and we cut away to Lynda sneering at the event and telling us she's not going to that "goat rodeo" because she sent models last year (again, why?) and no one ever got paid.

But Cat is there and Michaele hugs her, presumably loves her? Cat also has nothing nice to say about this gala event and declares herself unimpressed.

Mary's birthday party planning begins and already she and Lynda are cutting out Michaele, as Lynda clearly has no love for the gatecrasher. Mary eventually caves and calls Michaele to come at the last minute. What we learn about Mary: She has a lock on her closet that only she can open by scanning her left index finger, and when she gets drunk she gets a little racially inappropriate.

Incidentally, all of their interview dresses are really unflattering.

Next party, The Washingtonian event where Mary's husband won a Style Setter Award, whatever the hell that is, and Lynda did too. Much discussion of Michaele's skinniness ensues and Lynda engages stylist Paul Wharton to intervene with Michaele for the sake of her health. Yeah, right. Paul goes to Michaele's house to dress her for some other event, and tells Michaele that Lynda is worried that she's too skinny. Michaele does not take it well. Paul asks if she's eating, she doesn't answer and instead says, "I'm healthy."

Stacie has Janet Jackson's personal chef over to make something for the girls. You know, just another Thursday night in DC. Out of the whole crew, Cat and Mary show up but everyone winds up wishing Cat had stayed home. Although she started off the evening with a bang showing off hot pictures of Joe Biden. No, really. Cat also regales the ladies with tales of how she got together with her current husband when he was on the road with Obama and everyone is in awe of his closeness to Obama.

But that's enough love for Cat, who then slams Tyra Banks for doing an offensive impression of her in front of three other black ladies. Cat tries to go back to bragging about her husband and his Obama connection, but the ladies aren't having it. So Cat takes another tact, and starts trashing Obama because Obama didn't show up for an award her husband got. Then she says how Obama didn't RSVP for their wedding, but Bush did. She looooves George W. Bush, not so fond of Obama, and tells everyone about it. Cat is not making any friends tonight!

Although Mary kind of defends Cat, calling her a straight-shooter, which as you know, means total bitch.

Next week it looks like Tariq and Michaele really do crash a different party than the one they got in so much trouble for, which hopefully we will also see soon since every single promo features the night.

Welcome DC Housewives!

Did you watch? Who do you hate?


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