Her body could stop traffic. She speaks with a luscious, exotic accent. And her face is the stuff of fantasy, impossibly beautiful, with lush lips, artistically rendered cheekbones, and mesmerizing cat eyes. She's one of the most gorgeous women in the world, the perfect model for Victoria's finest Secrets.
Too bad Gisele Bündchen's personality seems about as attractive as a bag of used diapers.
Look, I wouldn't know her as anything but that quasi-famous model who got paid trillions of dollars to wear underwear in public and spent a few years bonking Leonardo DiCaprio, except once she hooked up with quarterback Tom Brady, she started spouting off about how his son -- the child he had with former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, that is -- was hers.
"It's not like because somebody else delivered him, that he's not my child," she said in Vanity Fair. "I already feel like he's my son."
Um, hey, creepy bikini lady? Being a great stepmom: cool. Saying something like that in print where his (real) mom will read it? Not cool.
Okay, so then she got pregnant and yapped about how she stayed in shape and never had to wear maternity clothes because she was, like, so mindful of what she ate.
"I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals."
Presumably she said that while a perfect golden halo floated over her head and she sipped her daily meal of hubris-flavored water. Then she had the baby and apparently had a completely pain-free natural birth, thanks to her ATTITUDE.
"It’s called ‘labour,’ not ‘holiday’ for a reason, and I knew that," she told the UK version of Harper's Bazaar. "You want to go into the most intense physical experience of your life unprepared? That doesn’t make any sense to me. I wasn’t expecting someone else to get the baby out of me.”
Well, I would never wish an unpleasant birthing experience on anyone, no matter how obnoxiously smug they appear to be, but it is certainly a good thing for Ms. Bündchen that no one HAD to get the baby out of her, because hey, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that having a GAME PLAN is no guarantee for a COMPLICATION-FREE BIRTH.
So these things are kind of irritating, right? But it's her most recent statement that sealed the deal for me on my burning dislike of Ms. Scrupulously Waxed Genital Region.
While spouting off about how breastfeeding helped her regain her figure and taking a dig at mothers who rely on formula for their babies ("Are you going to give chemical food to your children?"), she said the following:
"There should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months."
Funny, I think there should be a worldwide law that says empty-headed supermodels only get to have opinions about HAIR PRODUCT.
Okay, fine, I don't even know the lovely Gisele Bündchen. Maybe she's a perfectly nice person. Maybe her adorable Brazilian accent makes it hard for reporters to understand what she's been saying in all these interviews. Maybe she means well and just comes across a little harsh and she's actually really smart and accepting.
Or maybe just she needs to shut her camera-ready PIEHOLE.
What's your take on Gisele? Strong supermom, or spoiled supermodel?
Image via Tiago Chediak/Flickr