In a last-minute bid to avoid jail time, Lindsay Lohan has entered rehab, reports X17.
On Wednesday the actress checked into Pickford Lofts, a sober house started by O.J. Simpson attorney Robert Shapiro after his son died of a drug overdose in 2005. Lohan has also hired Shapiro as her new attorney, says TMZ.
LiLo's mother, sister and ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson were seen visiting her at the facility, and her assistant Eleanor unloaded bags of art supplies. (Note to self: Add "Lindsay Lohan's assistant" to list of jobs I never want.)
Lohan is scheduled to report to jail on Tuesday to begin serving a 90-day sentence handed down last week. She was also sentenced to 90 days of rehab following her jail term.
Whether Lindsay serves the full term of either sentence remains to be seen, but for me, there's a much more pressing question: What will her jailhouse nickname be?
I've seen enough "women in prison" movies to know that inmates love to give each other sassy nicknames, usually during naked group showers. Rest assured that Ms. Lohan will get hers.
A few that could work:
LL Uncool J - unlike the rapper, LiLo can't rap. Or act.
Pickleface (aka The Grinch) - it only makes sense if you've seen this photo. Doesn't she look like she just took a bite out of the world's dill-est dill pickle?
Chalk-Faced Ho - what, you never saw Chained Heat? (Link NSFW)
Blow-Han - a dual reference to Lohan's fondness for a particular controlled substance and for an activity involving a certain male appendage.
Fresh Fish - what, you never saw Bad Boys?
Filcher - not as dirty as it sounds. Filch means steal, and LiLo's done plenty of it.
LL Feen - without a steady supply of drugs and booze, Lil' Linds will spend 90 days seriously feening (or craving, for you squares who don't know the lingo).
CBW/CeeBeeDubs (Can't Be Wrong) - anyone who follows Lohan's Twitter page knows that nothing is ever her fault. Nope, she was set up. Or the media got it wrong. Or everyone's out to get her. Take your pick. Like Curly in The Three Stooges, she's just a victim of circumstance.
Image via Splash News