Brian Austin Green, Mark-Paul Gosselaar: Attack of the '90s Stars!

Amy Keyishian

Brian Austin Green
Brian Austin Green, dreaming of the Peach Pit
Megan Fox is married to Brian Austin Green? Mark-Paul Gosselaar divorces? What's going on?

Lately, I'm having a series of '90s celebrity flashbacks! Every time I page through a gossip site -- and let's be honest, that is entirely too often -- I come up on yet another old-school celeb who's either in love or in trouble. There's always this funny little lag time between the moment I see the name and the flash of memory and recognition. "Right! 90210 (Green)! Saved by the Bell (Gosselaar)!" It's like figuring out how far the lightning is during a thunderstorm.

Here's my roundup of '90s stars making spectacles of themselves ...

Which ones still make you sit up and take notice?

Brian Austin Green of 90210 just married irritating starlet Megan Fox. They've been dating since '04, called off a previous engagement in '09, and eloped just now. But that's gross, because she's 24 and he's 36, which means they hooked up when she was 18 and he was 32. Eeeeyuw!

Mark-Paul Gosselaar from Saved by the Bell is getting divorced from his wife of 14 years. You may remember SBTB as the source of Screech, the most embarrassing contestant on Celebrity Fit Club ever, and also Elizabeth Berkley, star of Showgirls, the most embarrassing movie ever. Awesome.

David Boreanaz, also known as the guy who broke Buffy the Vampire Slayer's heart, admitted he was a cheaty, cheaty little scamp because he was being shaken down by a former girlfriend. (Pyoo, I smell a mixture of Chanel No. 5, copy-machine toner, and terrier ... is that Gloria Allred?)

Chris Klein, the formerly squeaky-clean star of American Pie who dated Katie Holmes and Ginnifer Goodwin, got pulled over on the 101 with a blood alcohol level that'd make Mel Gibson blush and is headed for rehab. This is so sad, because it comes on the heels of a terrible audition for Mamma Mia that he followed up with a self-spoofing video that I adore! So I'm pulling for this one.

And in the most-obscure-files ... also the most-bizarre files ... Jeremy London from 7th Heaven claims he was kidnapped and forced to smoke crack in a multi-day joyride. Because that's what kidnappers do. They make you do their drugs for free and don't ask for ransom.

Have you had other '90s-star sightings? Who would you like to see in the news? Tell us in the comments!

Photo via vagueonthehow/Flickr

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