The MTV Movie Awards: What To Watch For

Amy Keyishian

aziz ansari
Photo from MTV
Hey Oscars, bite my ass! The MTV Movie Awards are tonight and I've got my strappy leather halter-top (with maternity panel) ready to go. Okay, really I'll be in my velour tracksuit, but since they started, these have been the awards to watch for stupid, stupid fun. (I miss the days when they'd give random awards to Clint Howard and Chewbacca, but I'll take what I can get.)

You've already seen the Tom Cruise promos. This year's awards are hosted by Aziz Ansari, who is hilarious as Tom Haverford on the NBC sitcom Parks and Rec. If you haven't seen him in that, Funny People, or I Love You, Man, here's what you need to know: He's a standup comic. He often plays douchebags, but he is lovely and charming. And if his Twitter feed tells the truth, he's been preparing for this for months.

But Ansari's not going to be the only highlight of the show. Here are more special moments you can look forward to. Print them out and check them off for some MTV Movie Awards bingo!

Sandra Bullock will get a Generation Award, and may get one of three others she's nommed for. Let's take bets on how long the standing O will go! Team Sandra!

There'll be a clip of the new Harry Potter movie. Everyone will look at Emma Watson's boobs and feel awkward. There'll also be a clip of the upcoming Twilight movie. Someone will care, but it won't be me.

Musical performance from Christina Aguilera and a duet from Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg.

Snooki will wear something effing hideous, possibly with big "sequences" (yeah, she said that).

There will be a whole lot of talk about Get Him To The Greek. Russell Brand's hair will be bigger than Snooki's. Everyone will wonder why New Jersey is still a state.

There will be an epic battle between New Moon and Avatar. Haha, just kidding -- like anyone's going to mess with Zoe Saldana.

A guy named T.I. will perform. Wait, wasn't T.I. one of the girls from TLC? Oh, no, that was T-Boz. My bad.

Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, and Rob Schneider will be hilarious, but will also look kind of old.

Zak Efron's hair will get in a fight with Justin Bieber's hair. Shaun White's hair will break it up. Liev Scrieber and Hugh Jackman's mutton-chops will get along fine.

The Runaways will win for Best Kiss, because we like the ladies.

Angelina Jolie will try to adopt that baby from The Hangover.

New category: Biggest Badass Star, an excuse to have more "Best Fight"-esque clips. One of the nominees: a guy named Rain. DM @MTV: You cannot give this award to a guy named Rain.

See all the nominees and vote for your faves on the MTV site (login required, and you have to watch a 15-second ad before each clip--TACKY!).

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