Photo from ABC.comOh, Dancing With the Stars! No sooner are you gone from my screen than I'm wondering what you'll have in store for me next season. To pass the long hours while I wait (uh, the long hours I'm not watching So You Think You Can Dance, anyway), here are my picks for the next season. Because I need to see Bruno jump out of his seat and scream, "SexyLICIOUS!" just one more time.
Here's who I'd like to see shaking a tailfeather on DWTS:
He's hot. He's agile. And he can't play in the World Cup anyway, on account of his torn Achilles tendon. I figure with the summer to watch and rest up, he'll be in fine shape to dance next fall. And, bonus: He can do a special spotlight dance with Posh in the return-of-the-eliminated contenders episode. GOAL!
Remember him? He was the cutie patootie quarterback on the championship 49er football team in the early '90s. He's also a Mormon, so I figure this brings together the whole Utah connection with the pro athlete one -- and kills two birds with one stone. But ouch, my husband says, "He'll only do the show if Joe Montana does it first." I don't know what that means, but it sounds like a BURRRN!
We had Erin Andrews, an ESPN announcer. Who better than Barkley, both a retired player and an announcer? Plus, he's hilarious, and built like Woz. He might flame out in the first few weeks, but he'll keep us laughing.
Kevin McHale or Naya Rivera
Look, let's face it: Now that Nicole Scherzinger has competed (much to the chagrin of many), the field has opened to pro dancers who need a little publicity. I say we plunder the cast of Glee. The bigger stars are too obvious -- I'd rather see Artie (who finally jumped out of the chair where he's been languishing for a little Safety Dance) or Santana (the hotter of the two sexy cheerleaders, and a standout for anyone giving the Lady Gaga episode a too-close look).
What sexpot can follow Pamela Anderson? At first, I thought of Kendra Wilkinson, but I have no faith in her ability to stick to a regimen -- and frankly, I don't find her all that sexy. But Carmen Electra? She's both sexy and dancey. Okay, so a lot of her dancing involves a pole, but she's got a line of workout tapes. Not sure if the intended audience is us or our DHs, but … she'd sure make Len happy.
Niecy Nash brought a welcome dash of funny-girl charm to the competition and surprised us with her dedication and heart. Sarah's show, The Sarah Silverman Program, just got cancelled, so she's got time on her hands. And I'm sure her interpretive jig referencing vaginas and farts would please … well, me, anyway. Tell me you wouldn't watch!
We seem to like the oldster contender. We didn't expect Buzz Aldrin to win, but wasn't it fun to watch him geeze it up? He was so cool! Betty's had the biggest year of her life, now that a Facebook campaign brought her to Saturday Night Live -- she's got to follow it up with a little artificial-hip-shakin' with Maks. Awesome.
No, not the skank from the Black Eyed Peas. I'm talking about Duchess Sarah Ferguson, who's ripe for a little positive press after a scandal (and Oprah appearance) involving her selling access to her ex, Prince Andrew, for the right price. She's like the British Rod Blagojevich, and probably has tons of ballroom dancing under her belt.
There's always gotta be a has-been, from Shannen Doherty to Belinda Carlisle. This time, it's Marsha Brady's turn. Her tell-all book hinting at an alleged lesbian smooch has pissed off costar Eve Plumb so mightily, she cancelled a Brady Bunch reunion show. And she showed herself to be charmingly dotty on Celebrity Fat Fit Club. Here's the story, indeed!
And with the reality-show tie-in, it's got to be Kelly! She's polarizing, she's pretty, and she's 100 percent cuckoo! Sure, she'll flame out in half an episode, but that'll just give us more Betty White -- and her rants will be epic. Satchels of gold, Derek!
I'd freakin' watch. You know you would, too.
Who would you like to see on DWTS? Tell us in the comments!