Another Perfect 30, This Time for Nicole Scherzinger: Our "DWTS" Recap

Amy Keyishian
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Another perfect score on Dancing With the Stars! For the second of their two dances, Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough were assigned a paso doble in the style of the 1950s. Impossible! They don't match! There's no way … except they pulled it off by creating a fiery Latin character for Nicole (you know, like that one girl from Grease who almost won the dance contest?) and casting Derek as a James Dean kinda guy. I literally couldn't tear my eyes from the screen, it was amazing. I suspect Derek is some kind of choreography genius.

The competition is really getting fierce. I know I keep saying that, but it keeps getting fiercer! With two dances to learn, the contestants had twice as much work plus their day jobs, so kudos to everyone, seriously.

This is the week that separates the elites from the very-goods. Sad but true, nobody is getting extra-credit points for personality anymore.

This was a two-hour special (gah, wish I'd realized that before I noodled around for an hour after dinner), so there was plenty of padding: A roundup of "here's what everyone else is doing wrong" quotes, a featurette about emotion in Latin dance, and a kinda crazy futuristic dance from a professional dance pair, Garry and Rita Gekhman. Side note: I perform with my husband, and I can ... not ... imagine rehearsing something this precise with him. We've spent 45 minutes arguing over how a joke could go, can you imagine us doing the tango? Jeebers.

But back to the show. This is where it gets real, and Niecy Nash is not measuring up. I love her. I love how funny she is, I love how spunky she is, I love that she's a great dancer by any standards except Week 8 of this show. But man, this is it, this is as far as her ship can sail. It wasn't just that the paso isn't the right dance for her, nor that she's not built like a beanstalk. She's just taken it as far as she can, and I predict she'll be out tomorrow. Total for two dances: 43 out of 60. Waah!

I formerly loved Chad Ochocinco. Now he leaves me cold. He's a terrific showman and has a lot of heart, but eh. I thought his tango was unsexy and his pimpy jive was soulless. Honestly? I have nothing else to say. Nor did the judges, with a total score of 45 out of 60.

Erin Andrews also flamed out tonight. I seriously, seriously wanted to smack her. Where Nicole uses her insecurity to push herself to do better, Erin just ... is insecure. Through her whole dance. Her tango put me more in mind of "The Time of My Life" than "Mad Hot Ballroom," and the critiques rightly made her feel "gross." Her '80s rumba just pissed me off. In rehearsal, she whiiiiines about how her arms are so long and skinny! And she's so tall! It makes life so hard! Waah, waah, waah, is she kidding me!? Then she dances like a game show presenter. Giant zzzzzzzzzz. I wish she'd go instead of Niecy. With a total score of 53 out of 60 ... wait, how the hell did that happen? Nobody call. Seriously, if you call, I'm going to confiscate your phone.

Which leaves us with the hot stuff, the ones to beat. Evan Lysacek bored me last week, but he's growing on me. He's funny in rehearsal, talking like a robot in anticipation of his futuristic routine and saying, "Maybe my hips are better in the future ... the near future." Plus, we see him on the ice -- people are always more interesting when you see them doing the thing they do best. Anyway, the futuristic cha-cha is the only one of the era/dance combos that really infuses the dance with the attitude of the era, and the flowy waltz to "Open Arms" is irresistible. 53 out of 60, with a bullet!

And then there was Nicole. I don't want to like her. I really have no use for the Pussycat Dolls. She's also whiny in rehearsal. And yet! She keeps bringing it. Bruno about ruined his pants praising her, and I've got to say yeah, Bruno, pass the Jockeys. That was hot stuff!

What did you think of last night's episode of DWTS?

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