"Parenthood" -- "The Big O" Recap

Amy Keyishian
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Uptight Bravermans
Photo from NBC.com
So last night on Parenthood, we finally get the big Raquel showdown and God! Effin! Dammit! Julia turns out to be mature and poised about the whole freakin' thing. That is so annoying.

All right, we'll start at the very beginning, with Adam and Kristina doing it. But before the wet spot can dry, she's out of bed like a shot, obsessing over what must be done that day. Is it any wonder I call her Uptight Mom? Yes. No. Maybe. Adam looks like he feels used. Pobrecito.

It's a big day for the Uptight Bravermans: Gaby, Max's new behavioral aide, is coming. At first, they're unimpressed, and Kristina tries to interfere because nobody knows Max like she does. Oh, but Gaby has tricks up her sleeve and works wonders, causing Kristina to melt down and confess how uptight she is. She admits, in an admirable moment of blurtiness, that she worries so much she can't enjoy anything -- even sex. This causes a moment of giggly female bonding and blushing.

Later, when Gaby is leaving for the day, she reminds Kristina to "get some extra relaxation" and they both actually wink. (And here I thought Max was the special-needs person in the show.) Peter wants to know what all the winking is about, and bulldozes right through Kristina's euphoria to pepper her with questions, which she answers by admitting they talked about their sex life (Oh, Kristina!) and, somehow, by admitting she sometimes fakes orgasms (Oh, KRISTINA!). Is this a horrible idea? Yes. No. Maybe.

Peter stops by to ask Sarah about this faking-orgasms business. She says it's something women do when "We don't want you to feel bad, but it's too long to explain in the moment." She also adds, "She shouldn't have told you, that breaks the code right there." Uh, yeah.

Anyway, Peter returns home and we find our episode of Parenthood bracketed by Adam-Kristina sex, except this time, she stays in bed afterwards and relishes the moment. Adam almost ruins it by asking if his Snickers really satisfies. She tells him that this is the most relaxed she's been in months, so shove it. (Lovingly.)

Crosby spends the entire episode trying to tell his parents about Jabbar. Bok bok bok, he's a huge chicken. Finally he manages to explain it all during dinner. Mom's a peach; Dad's a dick, asking first "Are you sure it's yours?" and then, "Is his last name Braverman?" (he has GOT to be kidding me.) But he comes around once he meets Jabbar, who looks like baby Crosby, and gives him Crosby's old bike, complete with Braverman license plate. Second best line of the night: describing Jabbar's mom, Crosby says, "She's a dancer. Not like with a pole -- like ballet."

As for the big promised showdown: Julia gets Jabbar into Sydney's playgroup, which has a three-month waiting list (oh, now that's a bit much). Crosby loves the playgroup, but does not love the flaming lust-torpedoes flying from Raquel's eyes whenever SAHD Joel is around. He mentions the creepy adoration to Julia, who asks Joel point-blank what the deal is in true lawyer fashion. Yep, she's tried to kiss him. She declares her totally off-limits, even though this will destroy Sydney, who is BFFs with (bonesthugsn) Harmony. As usual, the difficult task of breaking this news to Sydney falls to Julia … who backs down when she sees the two girls lovingly entwined at a puppet show. Where I would have created boundaries -- maybe encouraging some new friendships, and not volunteering for more togetherness -- Julia forces a smile and offers to sign Sydney up for the same pottery class as Harmony. Whatever. She's totally mature, I'm not, I can live with that. (grrr.)

Meanwhile, in horrible parenting decision-making: Sarah's flirtation with Hot Teacher goes into overdrive when he stops by her bar and asks her out, mash-note style: "Will you go out with me? Yes. No. Maybe." (Get it now?) She goes into an agony of indecision, finally asking Crosby for advice -- a first for both of them, since they are essentially the family screwups. Which leads to the best line of the night: "You're asking me because you want to hear 'yes,'" he tells her. "If you wanted to hear 'no,' you'd ask Dudley Do-Right or Judge Julia." HAHA! Funny. Sarah waffles some more, writing "too complicated" on the note, but Teach won't take no for an answer and she says yes after all. BAD MOMMY. Amber has a huge-o crush on this teacher. How hard could it possibly be to say "yes, in seven months?!" Sigh! Sarah! That is not very Braverman!

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