"Parenthood" -- "Wassup" Recap

Amy Keyishian

Angry Parent
Photo from NBC
This week's show makes me ask: Wa, indeed, ssup? It seems the old Braverman competition will heat up. Again. Who will win the parenting Olympics?

We open with Crosby (Dax Shepard) and Adam (Peter Krause) baby-proofing Crosby's houseboat because Jabbar is going to sleep over. Wait, didn't he just spend the weekend there? And isn't he five? Anywho, Adam says something about how cute kids are when they sleep, and Crosby makes the creepiest analogy in the history of all mankind, fondly remembering how his many "hellcat" girlfriends would finally fall asleep and look like little kittens. Ew. Ew, ew, EW.

Anyway, lawyer-mom Julia (Erika Christensen) wants to have a date night with her SAHD husband. When Haddie says she's busy, Sarah (Lauren Graham) practically shoves her daughter Amber in Julia's abundant cleavage. Backed into a corner, Julia agrees that Amber can babysit … but later cancels. Confronted by Sarah, Julia backs down, and babysitting is restored. Of course, date night is ruined because they get to the restaurant and OH MY GOD IS THERE ONLY ONE RESTAURANT IN ALL OF BERKELEY? Because guess who's there? Hippie-whore Raquel, whose date night includes daughter Harmony, since her husband can't stand to leave her alone with a babysitter. Oh. No. He dzi-ant.

Fortunately, Julia's Raquel-rage is interrupted by a panicked call from Dax. Jabbar's thumb is caught in a soda can! Sssh, little secret: We saw him call all the other siblings first, but Julia was the only one who picked up. No matter: Her magic touch gets Jabbar's thumb out of the can. Crosby tells Julia she's a good mom. Her face blossoms: "Really?" Because she has mom-doubts. In the morning, Jabbar's mom comes to pick him up, and we catch Dax gazing paternally at Jabbar's sleeping form. We should find it adorable, except we suddenly remember that thing he said. Ew. Ew. EW!

Please note: This is the second time Jabbar hears someone announce that he's Dax's son to that person's complete surprise. Shall we take up a collection for his future therapy now?

And what's going on with Sarah? Oh, she's an obsessive freak, first asking Adam to talk to her son Drew about all the masturbating he's doing. That's comfortable for everyone. Then dropping in to spy on Amber's babysitting, and getting busted. Amber, once again, has to be the mature one. "Your Aunt Julia makes me feel like the worst mom in the world," Sarah mourns, because get it? She has mom-doubts, too. Well, looky here, what was Amber doing with Sydney? Making origami turtles, just like Sarah taught her. Busted twice -- this time, for being a good mom.

And what about the hilariously high-strung Adam and Kristina? Please. Help them. Daughter Haddie has been dating some boy for a month, something they discover by looking at the phone bill *that they pay for* and opening the computer *that they paid for*. They confront; she freaks; they freak; there is grounding. It's not pretty. Haddie sneaks out, and when they go a-looking for her, they first find the boyfriend's parents, who are warm and lovely people who know all about them. Then they find Haddie with Amber and drag her home, with more freaking out. Yet after a commercial break's worth of reflection, they calm down and everyone has a tete-a-tete and a heart-to-heart and realize maybe it's better to Meet Each Other Halfway. No more lying, no more spying. Well. That was easy.

Cue closing basketball game. Somehow a completely mortifying masturbation talk from Zeek (including a mention of R&R in Bangkok, ew ew EW) has enabled him to open up to the other Bravermen men. Sarah saves Sydney from grandpa Zeek's fire-play, and she and Julia have an amusing "Yes, I am SO a good mom" face-off. And guess who's coming to dinner? Haddie's boyfriend, whom Adam greets with a super-corny "whassup." Oh, Bravermans! You are so droll and over-enmeshed!

What did you think of last night's episode?

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