Dude Who Robs a Bank to Avoid His Wife Is a Lesson in Marriage & Really Bad Ideas

lawrence john ripple

 

There are all kinds of reasons why a person might want to rob a bank: Maybe they're down on their luck and can't make their mortgage payments. Maybe they need a quick influx of cash to fund a speedy transcontinental getaway (since they're bank robbers anyway). Or maybe, just maybe, they'd rather go to jail than spend one more blessed second with their spouse -- like the incredible 70-year-old Kansas man whose half-hearted attempt at big-time burglary last week will likely make you feel a lot better about your current relationship.

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According to police, the robbery started out in the usual style (or at least what I assume is the usual style, because I've seen lots of movies with bank robberies in them): Lawrence John Ripple walked into Kansas City's Bank of Labor and slipped the teller a note that said, "I have a gun, give me money." Classic, dude! So, the bank teller (having no doubt seen lots of movies with bank robberies in them too, and probably also having been trained for situations like this one) handed over $3,000. 

This is the part where you'd expect Ripple to make a run for it, right? But nope, not this guy. Ripple didn't run, he sat -- right down in the middle of the bank lobby -- announcing to the security guard: "I'm the guy you're looking for." The guard took the money back. Obviously. But still, Ripple sat there and waited for the cops to show up.

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It wasn't until later when he was being questioned by investigators that Ripple explained his motivation for the non-robbery, which was that he'd had a fight with his wife and "no longer wanted to be in that situation."

In an affidavit, an FBI agent elaborated:

"Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife ... and told her he'd rather be in jail than at home."

Harsh! But he showed her, right? I mean, that is what I call some serious follow-through. Plenty of us say crazy things to our partners in the heat of the moment, but how many of us actually go ahead and make that sh*t literal?? You gotta give credit where credit is due: Ripple is a man of his word.

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Except, not really, because after initially being taken to Wyandotte County Detention Center, Ripple was released by a judge on his own recognizance. So, apparently honesty doesn't pay when you're trying to get locked up -- or at least not in this case. Ripple should have at least run out the door with his wad of cash, or tried to go buy a Jet Ski or a plane ticket to Bora Bora. Something. Instead, he's back in a prison of his own making. 

And you just know his wife is never gonna let him hear the end of this one.

 

Image via Wyandotte County Detention Center 

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