11 Dumbest Criminals of 2014 (PHOTOS)

Kiri Blakeley | Dec 23, 2014 Crime

When you think of criminals, you think of criminal masterminds. People like Osama Bin Laden or Lucky Luciano. Criminals who got away with their crimes for a very long time, who are brilliant at what they do. Or not. Then there's those criminals who are so stupid they're not even cut out for a life of crime. In fact, their main crime is their stupidity. Let's take a look at some of the dumbest crimes of 2014, shall we? Here are 11 of this year's least IQ-endowed criminals.

  • Murder Tattoo Guy

    1

    Jeremy Chapman was charged in April with first-degree murder -- and if you didn't know that, you could probably guess by reading the tattoo on his neck. Chapman was worried the tat might prejudice the jury against him. Erm, ya think? Somebody get this man a turtleneck, stat!

  • Dog Poop Terrorists

    2

    Two Maui residents were so irate at finding dog poop in their front yard that they threatened the neighbor they thought responsible for the deposit with obscenities and golf clubs. They were both hit with the felony crime of making terroristic threats. ISIS would be proud.

  • Push Don't Pull

    3

    A burglar who broke into a trendy Chicago bar was pretty smart ... at first. He brought a tool with him that easily cracked through the front door's lock. What stumped him was what happened after the door was unlocked. Apparently unable to read, or perhaps too preoccupied, he spent seven minutes trying to pull the door open -- completely ignoring the sign that said "Push." He eventually gave up and left.

  • Jared Diet Robber

    4

    Zachary Torrance of Alabama was arrested after robbing four Subway sandwich shops in four days. Police say he was irate that the "Jared Diet" hadn't worked for him. Hm, I think being overweight is the least of this guy's problems.

  • And They're Not Even Drunk Yet

    5

    Two crims walked into a Florida convenience store and only wanted one thing -- beer. Stocking up on as much beer as they could (barely) handle, hilarious surveillance cam footage shows them slipping and sliding and falling their way out the door, weighed down with too many 12-packs. Guess it was a party at their house that night!

  • Let's Fake a Heart Attack & Steal This Barbie Car

    6

    When two grown men want a Barbie car, hey, nothing is going to stop them! Well, except for maybe that really stupid plan they had for one man to fake a heart attack while the other slipped out the door with the car. Yeah, that didn't work.

  • World's Oldest Looking 22-Year-Old

    7

    When a 43-year-old mother with a suspended license is pulled over by a cop, she can't hand over her real license, so she gives the guy her 22-year-old daughter's name and birthdate. When the cop appears skeptical, she claims she was born with a rare aging disease. Points for creativity if not for smarts.

  • Doesn't Understand How Facebook Works

    8

    Anthony James Lescowitch may have pulled the dumbest Facebook criminal move of 2014, when he was wanted on assault charges. Pennsylvania cops posted his mugshot to their site, and Lescowitch happily shared the photo and commented right under the mugshot: "“lol i f­--n love it A----E." Yeah, they saw that. Within an hour, his mug was on the cops' FB wall with the caption, "CAPTURED!!!"

  • Calls in His Own Crime

    9

    When Wayne Wade of Hollywood, Florida broke into a home and stole some goods, he realized he'd left his cell phone behind. So he did what any foolish burglar would do -- he called it. When a cop who was investigating the crime picked up, Wade dutifully gave him his name. He was soon arrested. Must have been really attached to that phone!

  • Left His Resume at Crime Scene

    10

    When Riley John Bigger of Fresno, California decided to rob a CVS of soda and headphones, he was in such haste to get out of there that he forgot the bicycle and backpack he came with. Brilliantly, he decided to return to the store to get them. Even more brilliantly, store employees had already collected his backpack -- and found his resume with his name, phone number, and address inside. Well, at least now everyone knows what he's not qualified to do!

  • More Criminals Who Leave Behind Name & Phone Number

    11

    A couple walked into a pet store and filled out an application to buy a $3,000 puppy. But their application was denied. So they decided to steal the store's iPad instead. Surveillance footage caught them walking out of the store with it. But all the store owner needed to do was look at the application to figure out exactly who the couple were and where they lived and their phone number. "I think it's one of the world's dumbest criminals," he said. Let's be glad they didn't swipe the puppy.

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