Adele Gets Real About Postpartum Depression & Why We Need Mom Friends

Adele

Adele has given one of her signature lovable and totally badass interviews with Vanity Fair. In this latest one, she talks about struggling with postpartum depression in a way that's likely to resonate with moms every bit as much as those luscious pipes. So how did Queen Adele get over her post-baby blues? Same way the rest of us do ...

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With a little help from moms who've been there. 

Adele said during the interview she's not interested in having any more kids at the moment, afraid she'll slip back into her depression.

"I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me," Adele tells the interviewer, referring to 4-year-old Angelo. She went on the say:

... I didn't talk to anyone about it. I was very reluctant .... My boyfriend said I should talk to other women who were pregnant, and I said, 'F-ck that, I ain't hanging around with a f-ckin' bunch of mothers.' Then, without realizing it, I was gravitating towards pregnant women and other women with children, because I found they're a bit more patient. You'll be talking to someone, but you're not really listening, because you're so f-ckin' tired.

More from CafeMom: Postpartum Depression vs. Baby Blues: 9 Ways to Tell the Difference

So. F-ing. Tired. But when you're so raw and exhausted, a bunch of unpretentious, yoga-pants-wearing, boring moms are exactly the kind of company you want to keep.

Washington, D.C. / Verizon Center / Oct 11

A photo posted by @adele on

And that's the thing so many mothers might forget when they're struggling the most: to reach out to the women who have already been there. Not because they can tell you what to do or how to act. Simply by being together, understanding the struggle, they can provide enough of a sense of camaraderie to remind you that yes, this is hard. Yes, this is absurd. And yes, you're still killing it.

More from CafeMom: Hayden Panettiere Gave Moms a Voice by Admitting Her Postpartum Depression

"My friends who didn't have kids would get annoyed with me," she continued, "whereas I knew I could just sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and we wouldn't judge each other." 

Toronto, ON / Air Canada Centre / Oct 6

A photo posted by @adele on

Because there's something about being covered in someone else's bodily fluids that makes you feel a little less high and mighty.

And it was one of those oh-so-common moments of raw emotion shared between two tired mothers that helped snap Adele out of her depression:

One day I said to a friend, 'I f-ckin' hate this,' and she just burst into tears and said, 'I f-ckin' hate this, too.' And it was done. It lifted. My knowledge of postpartum -- or post-natal, as we call it in England -- is that you don't want to be with your child; you're worried you might hurt your child; you're worried you weren't doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I'd made the worst decision of my life....

Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy are common symptoms of postpartum depression, as are more straight-forward feelings of sadness, anxiety, and even insomnia. Every woman and every experience is different, but admitting exactly how you're feeling to yourself or a trusted friend, especially another mom who's been there, is a great first step toward getting support.

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Because contrary to every advertisement and movie about babies and motherhood, this gig is way harder than you thought it was going to be. It's way messier and exhausting and totally humbling. You're not the same person you were before the baby. You might want to be, but that's just not really how it works. And that transition can be equal parts terrifying, exciting, and traumatizing.

But beyond her fears about more babies bringing on more depression, Adele admits she too has been surprised how hard motherhood can be, and that maybe women like her are feeling too much pressure to have babies just because it's the thing to do. She said:

Actually, I think it's the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that's what adults do. I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the f-ck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.

Once again Adele is braver, more honest, and way cooler than the rest of us. She freely admits how much she loves motherhood, but also acknowledges the struggle. So the next time you're having those same overwhelmed feelings, pop on an Adele song, call up your friends, and ask them for support. It's what we do.

And if you didn't already love Adele to the point of bursting for her right-on take on motherhood, check out her response to the interviewer's question about whether her boyfriend is bothered when she doesn't shave her legs:

"He has no choice. I'll have no man telling me to shave my f-ckin' legs. Shave yours."

Queen Adele, long may she reign.

 

Image via Splash News 

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