Fergie's 'M.I.L.F. $' Video Is a Hot Mess No Mom Can Possibly Relate To

I wanted to love it. When I heard Fergie released a video for her new song "M.I.L.F. $" filled with bold-faced moms, including actual goddess Chrissy Teigen, I was stoked. But what we got instead was some teenage-boy fantasy version of motherhood and Kim Kardashian bathing in breast milk. Hard pass.

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Right off the bat, Fergie wants you to know the "F" in M.I.L.F. stands for "follow."

"Changing the acronym to Moms I'd Like to Follow is about empowering women who did it all," Fergie said in a statement to E!. "They have a career, a family, and still find time to take care of themselves and feel sexy. With a wink of course :)."

Of course.

There's even an Instagram account dedicated to behind-the-scenes images taken during the video shoot. Like this one of Chrissy, Kim, and Fergie giving fierce face.

Kim K. and Chrissy T.

A photo posted by M.I.L.F. $ (@milf.money) on

Fergie's hot mom costars include Kim Kardashian West, Chrissy Teigen, Ciara, Devon Aoki, Alessandra Ambrosio, Natasha Poly, Angela Lindvall, Isabeli Fontana, Amber Valletta, Tara Lynn, and Gemma Ward.

Notice that list of names doesn't include any teachers or police officers, but okay, fine.

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They all find themselves in a fictional, pin-up Stepford world of "Milfville" where they do everything sexily. Even breastfeeding. Yep. Chrissy Teigen is shown sexy-breastfeeding while a hot dude dressed up as a milkman ravenously guzzles milk out of a bottle. For moms on the front lines of trying to normalize and desexualize breastfeeding, this is decidedly a step in the wrong direction.

It's a bigger bummer because Teigen is one of the few celebrity moms who always seems willing to keep it real and show her flaws.

But then again, that's the whole problem with "M.I.L.F. $"

Most moms, in fact, don't make a lot of money, M.I.L.F. or otherwise. See, we ladies earn an average of 79 cents of every dollar a man makes. We don't have access to affordable childcare either, so most of what we earn goes right to caring for our kids so we can work, not getting our hair done.

Fergie, most moms don't have time to keep their career going, take care of their kids, and "keep their nails on fleek." It's just a math equation -- and there are only 24 hours in a day and so much money in the bank. 

That's the un-sexy reality most moms live in.

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Most moms who are lucky enough to get a sufficient amount of breast milk out of their breasts to feed a baby prolly aren't going to waste it. They're probably just going to feed their babies with it, rather than make themselves sexy.

@fergie #fergie #milfmoney

A video posted by M.I.L.F. $ (@milf.money) on

This whole mess doesn't look anything like motherhood. Moms who work their asses off all day and come home to pick up a second shift taking care of kids and cleaning house shouldn't also have to feel pressure to dress up in sexy outfits and dance around. And I'm here to tell you that's fine. Your nails just aren't the most important thing about you. Neither is how sexy you look.

Yes, moms can be sexy. Yes! But moms get to not be sexy, too. For a group of rich, genetically blessed moms who like to dress up and dance around in couture, this must have been a fun video for a group of friends to make together. It might even reflect what motherhood is like if you're a multimillionaire with a squad of nannies and housekeepers. But for the rest of us, this just reinforces the crushing expectation that on top of everything else, now we're supposed to look like Ciara.

And we can't. We're too tired. We can't afford it.

I've got nothing against these beautiful ladies and I think they should all keep making their money and looking good. But to pretend this is anything remotely close to empowering for moms is a joke. Expanding the definition of what a mom is or can be is a good thing. But women are already expected to be sexy, to raise the babies, to do it all.

The reality is, we have to pick and choose. I just wish Fergie would have done a better job of that before giving us this ridiculous, distorted view of motherhood.

 

 

Image via milf.money/Instagram

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