Tori Spelling on the Power of Hugging Her Kids & Loving Them the Best Way She Knows How

Tori Spelling

For a mother, there's nothing in life you can guarantee except this: You will do your absolute best with your kids. It doesn't mean you'll get a gold parenting star all the time, but rather, you'll pledge that you, as Mom, will put everything you have into their being. During a recent interview with Lenny Letter, Tori Spelling got candid about motherhood, her past, and the one vow she made to her kids -- that will resonate with mother's everywhere.

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"... I just reminded myself that I'm not my mom."

Whether you're familiar with her role as Donna Martin on the show Beverly Hills, 90210, or watched the drama known as her life unfold on one of her many reality shows, it's almost impossible to not know who Tori Spelling is. The 42-year-old wife and mother of four had much to say to Lena Dunham about her life -- including fears she had raising a daughter. 

"When I found out I was pregnant with a daughter, I thought, F--k. I am screwed."

Like many of us, Tori bumped heads with her mother, Candy Spelling, growing up. Let's face it, mommy/daughter relationships aren't always great, and can come with their own hurdles to conquer. Unfortunately, their relationship has been extremely strained, and even estranged for many years.

I was saddened to read in Tori's interview that she was nervous about transferring past experiences she had with her mother to her own children -- specifically her oldest daughter, Stella. And I'll admit, my heart sank when I read she wasn't comforted much as a child.

I would always ask my dad, "Why is Mom like this to me?" He would tell me, "She had a really bad relationship with her mom. Her mom was like that with her.

I thought, If I have a daughter, I guess it's just going to pass down. That's the way it goes.

More from The Stir: My Mother Emotionally Abused Me: How I'm Raising My Daughter Differently

This made me think back to my childhood, and conversations I had with my father about times that lacked affection. 

"I loved you the best way I knew how," he told me years ago.

Sometimes, the "best" others try to give isn't good enough for us, and other times, it's all they know.

Don't get me wrong, I won't make excuses for anyone, but I've found -- through many "Oprah moments" with my folks over the years -- that history can and will repeat itself, unless you make the decision that the cycle stops with you.

And that's exactly what Tori is determined to do.

I'd think, What would make me different? What's my instinct of what would make that different? My instinct was touch. I just wanted to hug her and hold her and tell her how beautiful she was and make eye contact.

Because that wasn't done with me a lot, it was foreign. There were times where I was holding her, and she was holding me so hard, and I was like, There's that moment that's uncomfortable. I feel like this hug is lasting too long. I'm like, No. Go past that. What's the point that's past that? The point that's past that is amazing. It's everything I wanted it to be that I couldn't have with my mother.

More from The Stir: I Won't Stop Telling My Daughter She's Beautiful

Love hard, and love with all you got.

And this, fellow mommies, is one of the best things we can do for our children.

Who knows, maybe Tori and Candy will have the opportunity to mend their relationship once and for all -- and maybe they won't. No matter the outcome, Tori seems to be investing love and support in her children, which is what matters most.

Love unconditionally, and love without ceasing.

 

Image via Splash News

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