JWoww Is Having a Natural Birth ... With Drugs

jwowwWhen it comes to labor, there's always that one, big, important question: To do drugs or not to do drugs? Pregnant reality star JWOWW wants to labor without an epidural. "I'm going to have a hospital birth but I would prefer no drugs," she boldly declares in an interview with OK magazine. Wow, has she gone crunchy natural mama on us? Meh. Not so much. Roger is quick to add that there will be NO midwife and NO tub because what are they, hippies or somethin'? "No, not that natural," JWOWW agrees. (What? Midwives and tubs have totally gone mainstream.) "But I’ll have an anesthesiologist on call in case I want the epidural."

Ohhh. That kind of natural. We see where this is going.


So. You're saying you don't want to do the drugs because you know that's what you're supposed to say. And because it sounds good coming from a former party girl who's cleaned up. But come on. Who are we kidding? It's going to hurt like hell. I mean, unless you're actually training like an athlete for natural childbirth (and it kind of is an athletic event), you're just not going to be prepared for the tsunami of agony that's going to hit you. And you're not going to know what to do with that pain. I think deep down JWOWW knows that contractions are going to kick her ass up and down the hospital.

So yeah. We all want a "no drugs" childbirth in theory, just like we all want world peace and an end to hunger. JWOWW, you'll want an epidural and you know it. That's why you've got an anesthesiologist waiting in the wings. 

And hey, there's no shame in that! What if -- I'm laughing because it's so not going to happen, but -- what if you happen to be that rare woman who doesn't experience excruciating, mind-melting torment during labor? Well then, lady, no drugs necessary.

But I was one of those women who said she didn't want drugs. And I had a midwife. Several hours of insane back contractions later, my labor had stalled and I was screaming a very different tune. Best drugs I've ever had in my life? Hands down, that epidural. If I could serve it at parties, I would. (I'm kidding -- that huge needle, oy.)

So go ahead and hedge your bets, JWOWW. I for one will NOT judge you if you end up calling in the anesthesiologist's services after all. And remember: A "natural" childbirth is one that ends with a baby being born. They're all natural. Have a safe delivery!

Why do we say we don't want to labor with drugs when we know full well we'll probably need that epidural?


Image via Splash News

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