Yummy Maternity Wear, Snooki Style

snooki pregnantNo one here at The Stir is saying Snooki is definitely pregnant. We just think she is. We have a whole room full of freelance forensics experts and dulas examining photos right now and we're expecting a conclusive statement any moment.

But in the meantime, let's talk about what Snooki should wear now that -- I mean, if -- she's pregnant. Because that tiny little body is going to get awfully round. That is, if she is indeed preggo. A woman Snooki's height is always in danger of resembling a beach ball when she gets pregnant. And a beach ball definitely belongs on Jersey Shore -- but that doesn't mean Snooki wants to be that ball.

Do you follow me? Let's look at some short lady maternity looks.

Okay, so here's the scoop:

  • Go monochromatic whenever you can, especially in black. You like wearing black, right? Yes you do.
  • Choose snug-fitting, not loose, especially on the top. I mean, the Red Tent look does not flatter anyone. But keep it simple.
  • No ruffles, crazy patterns, or horizontal stripes. They'll just make you look shorter and rounder.
  • Leggings look great, but so do wide-legged pants, especially on shorter women. It's counter-intuitive, but they have a way of lengthening you a bit.
  • Long dresses look good as long as they're fitted in the bodice and especially if you use a belt above the belly.

So now let's take a look at some flattering maternity looks for you, Snooki.

What looks do you think Snooki should wear?

 

Image via Pacific Coast News

  • Long, black dress by Shabby Apple

    1

    Classy! Like you're from Teaneck instead of the Shore. Which is probably why you'll never wear it. You hate this dress, don't you?

  • Wide-leg maternity jeans

    2

    You're probably wondering what these are. This is what I mean by wide-legged jeans. Pronounced "wyyyd leg geeeenz." I know you're used to skinnies, but theses will look sweet, trust me. Um, think of them as jean-like yoga pants. Ok, you know what? Just wear boot-cut yoga pants.

  • Simple slim-fit maternity

    3

    This ruched-sleeved top is chic with draping in all the right places. And then you can get a picture of a baby smoking and drinking a beer screen-printed over it.

  • Belted maxi dress

    4

    The maxi maternity done right -- diagonal stripes, snug fit on top, and belted above the belly. Pretend it's zebra stripes.

  • Snooki style

    5

    I don't even know why I'm bothering. I know you're going to end up wearing something kind of tacky like this. Too short, too shiny...

  • Leopard-print maternity

    6

    And we'll probably see you in one of these at some point. But hey, more power to you, Snooki. If anyone can work it, you can.

3rd trimester maternity clothes slideshow

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