When Kids Ask Awkward Questions Ask Yourself This: 'What Would Tina Fey Do?'

tina feyKids. They say the darndest things. Often loudly. And these bon mots frequently come in question form, usually when you're least expecting them. Every mom on the planet knows what I'm talking about, including Tina Fey, who was less than ready to answer her 6-year-old daughter Alice's curious inquiry about the meaning of a word she heard on an episode of 30 Rock.

Good thing Tina Fey is, y'know, Tina Fey. Thanks to all that improv comedy background, she can really think on her feet.

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So when Alice piped up with "Mommy, what's an erection?" Fey had a fast comeback: "An erection is a building!"

Nice save. Not that you don't want to eventually explain the mysteries of the human body to your kid and blah, blah, blah. Maybe you just don't want to do it at that exact moment in time.

I get it, believe me. I've been there. And unfortunately, I'm not always as quick-witted as Tina Fey ... I'm more likely to smack my forehead several days later, out of the blue: That's what I shoulda said!

So just in case you find yourself in a similar fix to Tina Fey's ... here's a little cheat sheet for you. None of these answers are informative or accurate, but they'll keep your kid quiet for the time being ... hopefully until you're ready to really tell him whatever it is he wants to know. When in doubt, the next time your kid blindsides you with an awkward question, simply consider this: "What would Tina Fey do?"

(Oh, and for consistency's sake, these questions are all inspired by quotes from 30 Rock.)

30 Rock Quote: "Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?"

Mommy, what are sex stains?

They're those birthmarks babies sometimes get. Girls get pink ones, and boys get blue ones.

30 Rock Quote: "You know how the media are. They wait for a mistake and that's all you are. It happened to Hitler. No one ever talks about his paintings."

Mommy, who is Hitler?

I have no idea. Sounds like he was a bad artist. And that's all!

30 Rock Quote: "Angie's changed her hairstyle since this photo was taken, and D'Fwan is a queer-fectionist."

Mommy, what's a queer-fectionist?

A type of candy maker. Like a confectionist, except the treats they make are more fabulous.

30 Rock Quote: "Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong."

Mommy, what's intercourse?

It's that part of the road when we go from driving on the regular street to the highway and we have to go really fast to catch up with the rest of the traffic.

Here's wishing you a non-inquisitive child!

What's the most awkward question your kid ever asked?


Image via Gage Skidmore/Flickr

 

 

 

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