Jessica Simpson Had No Idea How to Keep Her Pregnancy a Secret

jessica simpson pregnantMonday, Jessica Simpson finally came clean about the world's most obvious pregnancy. It was about time, because wow, was that one horribly kept secret. Every day, the singer was snapped by paparazzi looking like she stuffed an ever-growing basketball underneath her shirt -- and tight shirts they were, I might add.

I'm not sure how far along Jessica is -- she's yet to give "the interview" -- but if I had to guess, I'd say she's somewhere in the vicinity of six months. I wasn't about blurting the news out the moment I saw two blue lines either, but that's a really long time to wait.

Jessica's announcement, and her ill-concealed bump, got me thinking back to when I was keeping my pregnancy on the DL, though. I wasn't more than halfway through, so it was easy to, you know, not look pregnant. But it still took some trickery and deceit. Here are five ways I kept my pregnancy a secret -- and you can, too!


Drink fizzy drinks. Not that I'm some sort of booze-hound, but the whole "not drinking" thing was the issue that made me most nervous. I like a nice glass of wine with dinner or a fun cocktail at a party, so a bottle of Evian in my hand when everyone else was imbibing would have been a tell-tale sign of something being up. Here's what I did.

At parties, I made my own drink. I mixed seltzer water, or water, with a little bit of cranberry or orange juice and filled it with lots of ice. When meeting someone for drinks, I'd just get there early and order some sort of fizzy, alcohol-looking drink. At dinners, I'd just plant the seed beforehand. I'd say I have a headache or that I "felt weird," so when I didn't order any vino, it wasn't a shock.

Ignore people. This one was kind of tough, but I'm a terrible liar, so I really had no other choice. When people would call just to chat -- or when my sister would quiz me on whether or not I was pregnant -- I wouldn't call or text back. A little rude, yes, but when faced with the question dead-on, I couldn't tell a lie.

Wear baggy shirts. I wasn't showing two months in, but I did feel sort of gurgly and bloated. My normally flat stomach (humble brag) just wouldn't get flat. And so to avoid me feeling uncomfortable I just went extra loose and flowy.

Say you're on a health kick. I know this may not be easy for some, as, well, you may feel like the only thing you can possibly eat are saltines and ginger ale, but this is something I had to do. Because I wasn't able to eat one of my great food loves -- sandwiches with salty deli meats. I just said I was "being healthy" by eating salads. Inside, I was dying a thousand deaths. And still am.

Say you're hungover. When staying at my dad's house about a month and a half in, I was so tired, I literally could not not lie down and take a nap -- something I normally don't do. Before anyone thought anything of it, I said that I had a "wild night" two days earlier, and how, at 32, my hangovers just last two days now. Wild night = not pregnant.

It's nice to be out in the open now. Of course, now in the second trimester, I feel totally normal, so lying would actually be easier, but whatevs. I did what I had to do. I have no idea what Jessica was doing.

How did you keep your pregnancy a secret early on?


Image via Splash

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