An Open Letter to Alyssa Milano About Her 'Perfect' Pregnancy

Alyssa MilanoDear Alyssa Milano,

You don't know me, but we grew up together. I so badly wanted to be you as I watched you week after week on Who's the Boss? I was pretty determined to change my name to Samantha too, but I never got around to it.

Anyway, congratulations on your pregnancy and all. It's been fun watching as you go through all the things that we pregnant women do, and you look fabulous. You clearly enjoy the whole miraculous pregnancy experience more than most. In fact, you're downright gushing about it all, ALL the time. I believe you were recently quoted as saying the following:

I've had such a great time being pregnant that you're probably going to see me more pregnant than not in the next few years because I'm really digging it.

Good for you, really. But as someone who got a little bit of a head start on you in the children department (my babies are 7 and 2), I have a few words of advice for you.


Stop with perfect pregnancy posturing! You're making us all jealous once again.

Also, you're in the honeymoon period of pregnancy right now, and unless you're among the very small population who enjoys it until the end (and I suspect most of them lie), you may be eating your words in a month or two ... well, if the heartburn allows you to consume anything at all by then.

Right now, you're having a blast picking out baby names and decorating the nursery for your new baby boy, but soon you may not be able to pick up anything from the floor because you will be so enormous. Don't get me wrong, it's a glorious time, but just don't start buying cribs for all these babies you plan to have soon. There's a chance you may change your mind about not seeing your toes or having a good night's sleep for years on end.

Even if your first pregnancy goes without a single uncomfortable day, your second pregnancy and those beyond it are NOTHING like your first. Because, you see, you have your first to chase around all day. So even if your head is in the toilet because of morning sickness, you still have to keep your first-born alive and well too. Add a couple more, and that perfectly blissful pregnancy of which you speak will be a long forgotten memory no matter how many nannies you may have.

I'm not trying to be a downer, and I hope you have a houseful of children and are pregnant for years to come if that's what you wish. I just wish you'd be a little less perky about the whole experience because there are pregnant women out there who can't relate. And like your perfectly feathered hair back in the day, you're causing us all to yearn for what's unattainable for most.


A mother who has been there, done that.

P.S. Also, your cravings for broccoli are LAME. Could you please think about some French fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake with a side of marshmallows or something?

Do women who gush about the perfection of pregnancy make you gag ... even a little?

Image via Splash News

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