Octomom Thinks Her Kids Will Never Grow Up

Nadya Suleman OctoMomPoor Octomom. First Suze Orman told Nadya Suleman that Americans really do hate her on an emotional Oprah special about the Octomom's money troubles. Now we have to tell her the awful truth about kids.

One day, Nadya, your toddlers will be teenagers. For realsies. It's a memo Suleman seems to have missed as she read up on parenting in preparation for her rounds of IVF (oh, please, go with the fantasy that she did a little research before embarking on being America's craziest mom; it does a heart good).


After all, she told Orman the reason she kept on making babies, all the way up to number 14, is because:

It's safer. Kids won’t leave you. Kids will give me the unconditional acceptance and love that I didn't feel I got from my mother.

Awww, how sweet! And completely naive! Sure, you get the unconditional love in the toddler years, when Mommy is the bearer of cookies and Band-Aids.

And then, Nadya, they hit kindergarten and meet the little boy who throws fits in the middle of the classroom for no gosh-darn good reason. And soon they're coming home, and you've got a pint-sized tornado tearing through your house stomping her feet and using words like "hate" and "kill," words that certainly never came out of your mouth. Been there, done that, have been running around asking advice from every other mom out there.

And then there's puberty. The mere word strikes at the heart of grown women like a knife to the chest. Not every child turns into a rebellious, sullen brat at the first pube, but there's enough of an edge to the attitude of the average teen that it's hard not to shudder at the thought of your darling pumpkin one day slamming that bedroom door and refusing to be seen in the same row of the theater as you (and really, Mom, can't you go just go home and pick me up later? Preferably far away from the door?). Mark my words: the teen years could kill me if I let them.

Teens don't give their parents unconditional love. They give us headaches. We give them unconditional love in return.

Just do the math. Kids grow up. Kids leave. That's their job. It's our job to get them there. Hopefully, they'll even reach a point where they fall in love with a potential mate, and their love for us, while still potent, is no longer filling the largest part of our hearts. Next, again hopefully, they'll fall in love with their own kids, and that love for us will wane even more.

If Octomom thinks her kids are going to give her unconditional love forever, she's got more than money problems. She's about to have puberty times eight with the octuplets.

How do you think the teen years will treat her?


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