Pippa Middleton Gets Compared to a 'Dog' in Crude Wedding Toast

James Matthews Pippa Middleton
Pool / Reuters / Splash

When it comes to wedding toasts, you never know what you're going to get -- short and sweet, long-winded and sappy, or positively cringe-inducing. Turns about this guest opted for the latter. Justin Johannsen, who watched his pal James Matthews marry Pippa Middleton, busted out a toast filled with raunchy jokes that included likening the Duchess of Cambridge's little sister to a dog. (Oh no, he didn't! Oh yes, he did!)


According to the Daily Mail, it was after a five-course dinner that the longtime friend of Pippa's new hubby decided to liven things up a bit. Johannsen reportedly took the mic and brought the crowd to stunned silence with this bold joke:

"Now to the love of James' life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about James's spaniel, Rafa, I'm here to talk about James' love, Pippa."

D'oh! Let's just hope Prince George and Princess Charlotte were safely tucked in their beds or they'd need serious earmuffs for this next bit!

More from CafeMomWatch Kate Middleton Keep the Kids in Line at Pippa's Wedding

Johannsen continued:

With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal, and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in North Wales.

At least that's where I presume they are going as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he [James] was going to Bangor for two weeks. Enjoy the Welsh coast, guys.

Yikes! It's like something out of a bad movie, right? It would be tough for even a handsome actor like Ryan Reynolds to pull off this bad comedy bit. What was this guy thinking? We're guessing the open bar may have had something to do with it? Still, what would you give to have a panoramic shot of Kate, Will, Harry, and Carole Middleton's faces at that moment? 

More from CafeMom15 Times Kate & Pippa Middleton Were the Very Best of Friends

But, seriously, dude, know your audience! The Middletons do not look like the kind of family to go for this ribald humor -- especially when they've shelled out a fortune for their daughter's special day. 

And to think, it had been widely reported that the family was concerned about the groom's brother Spencer Matthews -- former star of the reality show Made in Chelsea -- bringing down the crowd. 

More from CafeMom: Prince George & Princess Charlotte Steal the Show at Aunt Pippa's Wedding

Fortunately, Johannsen had a few kind words for the new bride:

I think I can say for everyone, that you look stunning. The image of perfection. I know that James first fell in love with your gutsiness and your spirit and then succumbed to your beauty. You make James extremely happy.

You have a voir la joie that warms the hearts of everyone who knows you and you have won the heart of the best man that I know.

That's lovely -- if anyone was paying attention after those other off-color remarks. 

We can't help but wonder if Pippa's new hubby got an earful from his new in-laws after this. Hope the happy couple enjoys that honeymoon, wherever it may be!

Read More >