15 Christmas Songs, Ranked From Mildly Annoying to Truly Cringeworthy

Alaisha Key | Dec 13, 2016 Celebrities
15 Christmas Songs, Ranked From Mildly Annoying to Truly Cringeworthy
Image: iStock.com/Suchota


iStock.com/Suchota
For many, storing away the last piece of Thanksgiving turkey means it's finally time to break out the beloved holiday playlist and ring -- or, rather, sing -- in the holiday season. From now until December 26, the radio (as well as select family members) will be blasting the familiar fa la la la las and musings about white blankets of snow -- all alerting the kids that Santa will be coming to town soon. But, as much as I love a good Christmas carol, I have to admit that there are some holiday songs that the world could really just do without hearing more than once a season (for old times' sake, of course).

From annoying jingles that get stuck in your head to problematic, er, inappropriate song lyrics that make you question the spirit of the holiday, here are some of our least favorite yuletide tunes -- ranked from kinda annoying to you might wanna hit the skip button around the kids.

  • All I Want for Christmas Is You -- Duet

    1

    It would be a miracle to make it throughout the month of December without hearing Mariah Carey sing her mega hit "All I Want for Christmas is You." And quite frankly, we're more than okay with Mimi singing in the season on her own.

    But, in 2011, she decided to team up with Justin Bieber to somewhat remake the single, which appeared on the Biebs's Under the Mistletoe album. Sadly, the collaboration came off as a weird holiday pairing. If you can ignore the fact that the OG songstress and the former teen heartthrob are serenading each other in the video (despite the obvious age difference), it just seems like their voices don't match up to recreate the magic that Carey created solo. If it ain't broke don't fix -- or remix -- it.

  • Christmas Conga

    2

    Cindi Lauper's "Christmas Conga" sounds like an attempt to spice up the holiday. While we appreciate the sentiment to want to get people excited about the season, Christmas and conga in any variation is a strange combination. I think I'd rather sit out the conga and be satisfied with spiked eggnog. 

  • Santa Baby

    3

    Madonna decided to put her spin on this old classic, and the result was a remake we'll never forget. As always, the Material Girl marches to the beat of her own drum. And as much as Madge brought her particular brand of sultry tones and attitude to "Santa Baby," this rendition just kind of proves that nothing compares to the original.

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  • Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

    4

    The last thing that you want to hear about around holiday time is that something happened to dear old Granny. That's why it's a surprise that "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" became so popular that there was even an animated movie with a similar title.

    But unlike the kid-friendly movie, the lyrics of this song are a little darker and describe finding Grandma on Christmas morning with "hoof marks" on her forehead and "Claus marks on her back." And there's also the fact that you really don't know if Grandma is alright. Not really inspiring the holiday cheer!

  • I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

    5

    "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" is exactly what all parents fear: Their kid will want something impossible to obtain -- like a real life hippo! That's the definition of a Christmas nightmare, and this song isn't much better. It's belted out by a kid who is enamored with the prospect of getting a hippopotamus, and sadly, "nothing else will do." Most parents are already hearing their kids say what they want over and over again -- no need to hear it again in song form. Plus, this tune may give them ideas. 

  • Feliz Navidad

    6

    "Feliz Navidad" wins the award for the song most likely to stay stuck in your head ... All. Day. Long. That may have something to do with the fact that the lyrics -- both English and Spanish -- are pretty much saying the same thing: Merry Christmas! And, after a while, that same loop gets old. Fast. 

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  • Christmas Wrapping

    7

    I'm all for any girl power anthem that this group is promoting, but "Christmas Wrapping" definitely lacks that empowered vibe these ladies usually exude. I get that Christmas can be exhausting, especially for the moms out there, and sometimes you want to say bah humbug to the whole thing. But is it really worth it?

    And that's basically what's happening in this song. The lyrics are really a back-and-forth with the gals tying up loose ends for the holiday, declaring plans to sit it out, and replaying stories of relationships past. There's just too much going on. Feel free to leave this off your holiday playlist, because it's not gonna spice up your life.

  • Funky, Funky Christmas

    8

    'Tis the season for boy bands -- or not. As many hits as New Kids on the Block released, this was probably the most confusing. "Funky, Funky Xmas" boasts a rap with a few lyrics that would now have fans questioning those double meanings. And we're still wondering how to have a funky Christmas. Sorry, guys, but this tune is better left with the discarded toys of Christmases past.

  • Dominick the Donkey

    9

    Nothing says Christmas like a Christmas donkey, right? Well, when "Dominick the Donkey" comes on the radio, Rudolph better watch out. The repetitiveness of this song will have the kids singing "chingedy ching" and la la la-ing all throughout your car ride. And if that's not enough, you'll probably be hearing this donkey hee-haw, hee-haw nonstop after listening. So do yourself a favor, and keep this tune turned down.

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  • The Christmas Shoes

    10

    Talk about a literal tear-jerker! "The Christmas Shoes" is the story of a boy who's trying to buy some shoes for his sick mom but is short a few dollars. The song basically alludes to the fact that the mother won't even make it to the next day. Beyond sad. You literally need some Kleenex for this one because this tune does not give off the holly jolly vibes at all. 

  • Hey Santa

    11

    "Hey Santa" is the Wilson sisters' girl Christmas anthem. This duo (which was a part of the Wilson-Phillips trio) is literally wishing for Santa to bring their boyfriends home for the holiday, even going so far as asking St. Nick to give their guys a ride. And if that wasn't enough, they actually get their wish to stand under the mistletoe with their loves in the end. This is not the song to listen to if you're in relationship limbo during the holiday. 

  • Please, Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)

    12

    No family is perfect, but many try their best to get along for the season. Well, you'll definitely hear about those who don't in "Please, Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)," which is pretty much the saddest song ever.

    In this one, an 8-year-old kid is hoping and pleading that his dad will not come home intoxicated because he doesn't want to see his mom cry. The kicker is that the child is asking because the dad did exactly that the previous Christmas. Cue the waterworks, and someone please call a social worker for this kid. Not okay.

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  • Spin Me a Christmas

    13

    Ever heard Aqua's "Spin Me a Christmas"? The "Barbie Girl" crooners decided to create a Christmas song with that same electro-pop vibe, but it didn't quite catch on. Even with a hook asking the DJ to do exactly as the title says, it's a little hard to get in the spirit. Music may solve a lot of riddles, but this song just has us asking, what were they thinking? 

  • Baby, It's Cold Outside

    14

    Sure, you've heard this tune played over and over again, but have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of "Baby, It's Cold Outside"? Well, if you haven't taken the time to really hear what this duo is saying, I'll be the first to tell you that the convo is more than a little disturbing. How could it not be when the song has moments where the woman is questioning what's in her drink and the guy is being what many would say is overzealous in his attempts to get her to stay? 

    There are a few things wrong with this song -- one being the topic of consent. And that subject was recently brought up when Minnesota couple Lydia Liza and Josiah Lemanski decided to revise the lyrics to make a statement and raise awareness about the importance of consent. Adding in lines like "you reserve the right to say no" further enforces the idea that the original is too aggressive. And like I'm sure most people would probably agree, no means no, no matter how cold it is outside.

  • Christmas Tree

    15

    Lady Gaga is know for being out there, but her song "Christmas Tree" has got to be one of the most inappropriate holiday songs, period. The whole thing is full of innuendos. Be warned: Only mature audience should be listening. You don't want to blast these lyrics near any impressionable kids. After all, children do repeat everything. 

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