Parenting

Birth Coach Has an Abortion to Focus on Her Career & Has Zero Regrets

ParentingPublished Dec 18, 2018
By Lauren Levy
featured-img-of-post-216827Sarah Holdway

Sarah Holdway isn't just a dedicated mom of five kids, she's also a devoted birth coach whose passion is helping women through their pregnancies and deliveries. This mom from England always knew that she wanted to have a big family, which might not come as a surprise, but her reaction to her sixth pregnancy isn't what most would expect -- which is exactly why she wants the world to know it.

When 35-year-old Sarah and her husband, Mark, found out they were expecting again, she immediately knew that she didn't want to have that baby.-placeholder
When 35-year-old Sarah and her husband, Mark, found out they were expecting again, she immediately knew that she didn't want to have that baby.
Sarah Holdway

When 35-year-old Sarah and her husband, Mark, found out they were expecting again, she immediately knew that she didn't want to have that baby.

Sarah's kids range from 16 to 3 years old, and this experienced mom knew exactly how another pregnancy would impact her family.

"A sixth child would have meant a lot of financial disruption when we already struggle on a daily basis. My work can be sporadic, and it's not the best paying job at times," she tells CafeMom.

That's why as soon as she found out she was pregnant, Sarah says she immediately started crying and called her partner. "I told him that I was pregnant but I didn't want to go ahead with it and he responded, 'That's your choice, my love,'" she recalls.

At that point, she was 10 weeks and made her mind up on the spot.-placeholder
At that point, she was 10 weeks and made her mind up on the spot.
Sarah Holdway

At that point, she was 10 weeks and made her mind up on the spot.

Sarah says she was nearly through her first trimester before she first found out she was pregnant and made up her mind about getting an abortion pretty much immediately. "I faltered a bit but overall, I knew that with the best will in the world, [keeping] it would be a choice that would be very damaging to my wellbeing," she says. 

Sarah explained that her family already lived in a home they were struggling to pay for but was also too small for their needs and that they would also need a new car to be able to fit their expanded family. "Sure we have clothes and 'stuff,' but we only have three rooms so finding a bigger home, finding the funds for that, a bigger car, and me not earning would have been incredibly difficult," she says. "I was concerned that I'd have to have another hiatus in earning; the bottom has fallen out his work, so we live on a very, very small income with no room for error."

But on top of finances, Sarah was also ready to get her career back and isn't ashamed or afraid to admit it.-placeholder
But on top of finances, Sarah was also ready to get her career back and isn't ashamed or afraid to admit it.
Sarah Holdway

But on top of finances, Sarah was also ready to get her career back and isn't ashamed or afraid to admit it.

With Sarah's youngest 3 years old, she had been looking forward to doing more work and wasn't ready to give that up. "I love every aspect of my job, and I adore being a mother but it is exhausting when you don't have family to pull it together -- my parents are both dead and I'm an only child, so everything falls on my shoulders," she says. "I was concerned that I'm already spread too thin. I already barely have time to get a moment to myself for the most basic things and the mental load is HUGE. I am always thinking about what someone else needs or wants. Sure, I had them, but that doesn't mean it's not hard."

So Sarah went through with the abortion and can firmly say that she has zero regrets.

This mom is confident that she made the best decision both for her family and for herself and refuses to let society make her feel bad about the choice. "It was 100 percent the right choice; I'd make it again," she says. "I spoke up because I'm tired of women being made to feel like they are cold, heartless b*tches that can't keep their legs shut ..."

That's why Sarah is speaking out about the double standards for abortion and older moms who decide to have one.-placeholder
That's why Sarah is speaking out about the double standards for abortion and older moms who decide to have one.
Sarah Holdway

That's why Sarah is speaking out about the double standards for abortion and older moms who decide to have one.

According to Sarah, you get judged harsher for an unwanted pregnancy and abortion when you're a woman with a family, career, and partner than when you're a teenager. "As a grown adult, I think you're expected to not mess up -- we were using contraception and I wasn't just reckless praying to not get pregnant again," she says. "As a teen, I think people can vaguely forgive a missed pill or a one-time accident. As a grown women you're supposed to know how not to get pregnant."

But Sarah hopes that others learn it doesn't matter either way: All that's important is for a woman to do what's best for her and her family.

"I think women all have to make choices that are right for them, and no one has the right to sit in judgement, because we all have different things going on," she says. "It must be a free choice that the woman makes based on what is happening now."

And despite what people think, her job as a birth coach doesn't clash with her decision to have an abortion.

"I've worked with women in many ways empowering them to make choices that sit right for them," she says. "This has included being part of the abortion process for both a child that was going to die at birth and a few women who felt they could not have a baby at this time."

That's why when she told some of her friends, who are also birth workers, she was met with support instead of judgement. "They rallied to support my wellbeing, give me an ear to talk, and make that choice in my own space," she says. "Birth work is ironically not about babies but about giving women tools to decide what they need."

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