No One Knows Why John Mayer Is Sharing His Beauty Routine ... but We're Listening

John Mayer performing

For many years my mother has been warning me that I absolutely must not wait until I'm older to begin seeking the secret to everlasting youth -- and warning me to stock up on my moisturizer ASAP. But do I listen? Rarely. However, with a recent turn of events -- and by turn of events I mean John Mayer's Snapchat beauty vlog, "Skin Care Secrets With John" -- I may just have to reconsider all that my mother's been telling me as I watch the 38-year-old singer's intricate moisturizing regimen. 

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You may be wondering what you did to deserve this hilarious treat, and the truth is not much at all ... except apparently asking him about his flawless facial features. It appears that there are many people asking John about his skin care secrets and although he finds that it's an "odd question to ask" -- he indulged us anyway.

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The five-step "night moisturizing routine" begins after (and only after) he finishes applying his Proactiv. 

John's favorite line of products is Natura Bissé, but warns us that "this is [probably] used mainly by people in their 60s and 70s." Honestly though, John, who are we to judge if it keeps you looking the way you do? No one, that's who.

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Here are his best tips to take with you today and every day. Pinky promise, these are pretty legit tips.

1. Use the D.A.T., or Direct Application Technique: As John points out, "applying the skin lotion to your hands and then rubbing it in your face gets a lot of lotion stuck in the crease the fingers and that's expensive." And to think I actually get quite worked up when I accidentally squeeze too much out of my Target brand moisturizer. So, I totally get not wanting to waste any drop of a nearly $600 product.

2. "Eye concentrate is really just better facial moisturizer, but more expensive, in smaller bottles. Use it." 

3. Make use of the "offset smiley" technique. You're probably wondering what in the hell that is -- don't worry, we've got you covered! All you do is line your smile line with whatever product you choose. In Mayer's case, it was his beloved Natura Bissé C+C Vitamin C Complex (whatever the f*ck that does). Also defer to the D.A.T. here (and anywhere possible).

4. Don't ever, ever forget to "pre-place" your product in your CNZ (Crucial Necessity Zones, of course) -- he explains this as "predesignated areas where I need moisture the most."

5. Headbutt your setting hydrosol mist! Do not -- I REPEAT -- DO NOT pull a D.A.T. Why? Well, John says, "That's far too harsh for your skin."

If you're scratching your head wondering how the hell it is that you just got schooled on your moisturizing techniques by a man, know that you're not alone. I felt the ultimate shame the moment I found out that this guy was working a five-step program while I can barely find the urgency in simply washing my face when I'm ready to hit the hay. 

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But there's definitely a few things to be learned from the guy, I must admit. A couple more episodes and he'll totally take the beauty vlog world to the next level. 

While we wish we could opt for Natura Bissé products -- or, as John puts it, "some crazy sh*t" -- I wouldn't really recommend doing so. It's safe to say that many of us don't have a small fortune tucked away. And anyway, a rep from Natura Bissé confirmed that John does not have any endorsement deals with them. So ... we're wondering if we can get some alternatives here. John, are you taking questions? Let us know. We need answers ... like now.


Image via Daniel Knighton/FilmMagic/Getty

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