Malia Obama Dances at a Music Festival & We're Rolling Our Eyes That You Care

Malia Obama at lollapalooza

At 18 years old, I was a tried-and-true teenager! Meaning you couldn't pay me to spend time with my family and you really couldn't pay me enough to consider vying for an internship. Nope, all I was doing was working a couple shifts at McDonald's in order to afford sh*t like twerking at Lollapalooza (and not anywhere near as modestly as Malia Obama did). So with that said, I can't for the life of me understand those who are expressing outrage over Malia Obama dancing at a music festival. After all, isn't that what people do when in the presence of good music? Isn't that the teenage human thing to do?


An ever-so-flabbergasted fraction of society, who couldn't understand why a teenager wouldn't be spending an entire week at the DNC, probably wants you to believe that the eldest Obama daughter must be shunned until the end of time for her terribly awful behavior. But I'm gonna err on the side of no -- that's just a typical reaction to music.

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And while we're talking about all the simply no-good things Malia has been up to over the years (because dancing is surely an indication of deviant behavior), I thought everyone should see just how terrible of a teen she's been. The world must know! 

I mean, why the hell does anyone (much less a high schooler) need to know a foreign language? What's that about, huh? Translating for the president

And how dare she think about her future instead of going out partying the way a real teen does. Seriously, who does this girl think she is? An Ivy Leaguer? Oh, wait... 

There was that horrendous incident where she decided to follow in her parents' footsteps -- accepting her admission to Harvard University for the fall 2017 semester. WTF was she thinking? 

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And she's waaaay too supportive if you ask us. Look at her backing Sasha up with the ultimate stamp of approval as she talks to dreamboat Ryan Reynolds.

Eck, she looks like she's actually enjoying quality time with her father. What gives? 

Quality father/daughter time.

A photo posted by The White House (@whitehouse) on

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But the worst infraction is that Time had the audacity to name this girl -- the one you're all so outraged by -- one of the 30 most influential teens of 2015. I supposed that's just downright despicable. I'm sure some of you parents will be locking your children away before you allow them to look to this girl as an example. Amiright? 

Malia Obama

Now that I've gruelingly laid out all the examples of just how awful of a teen Malia Obama is for acting like a teenager and not attending the DNC, I'd like to assure you that the teenage me was nowhere near as poised and mature and accomplished as Malia Obama is. And, for those of you who think something is wrong with this picture, I'll have you know that most teens are lacking all the maturity and grace that Michelle and Barack have raised both of their daughters to possess.

Certainly your teen years aren't that far behind you that you can't recall what it feels like to be young and free, right? So, for the love of all that's right in this world, just let Malia dance.


Images via Armando L. Sanchez/Chicago Tribune/TNS via Getty Images; Time

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