10 Moments That Made Us Glad Miley Cyrus Wasn't Our Baby (PHOTOS)

miley cyrus bb talkIf you haven't seen the new Miley Cyrus video "BB Talk" yet, well, it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from Miley Cyrus these days: highly entertaining, sort of perplexing, and slightly disturbing. Basically, it involves Miley doing her best imitation of an infant while singing/talking about extremely graphic subject matter (namely: sex). And while that's perfectly acceptable for a pop star, what if a REAL baby acted that way?

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As a mom of three, I've seen babies do all sorts of nutty things. But if any of my children actually did any of the stuff Miley does in this video, I'd ... honestly, I don't know what I'd do. Call a doctor? A priest? A reality TV producer? Seriously, though, lucrative television career opportunities aside, here are 10 moments in the "BB Talk" video when I definitely wouldn't want Miley to be my baby:

1. Do I really need to explain why this pose makes me uncomfortable? I hope not, because it would make me really uncomfortable to explain why this pose makes me uncomfortable.

miley cyrus baby

2. No, no, baby Miley, humans don't hatch out of eggs! I don't want a chicken baby.

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3. Okay, right here we have a "baby" who's about to either swallow a bunch of bathwater or choke on a rubber duckie. The latter of which sounds like a euphemism grown-up Miley would totally appreciate.

miley cyrus baby

4. This would be fine I guess if Miley weren't saying "It was like we were f*cking homies and shit" with a huge baby bonnet on her head. So I guess it's not fine, actually.

miley cyrus baby

More from The Stir: Miley Cyrus Is a Foul-Mouthed Baby in Crazy Video for 'BB Talk' (VIDEO)

5. Ummmm ... #BabySquadGoals? I don't know what's going on at this playdate from hell, but it makes me nervous.

miley cyrus baby

6. See above for how I don't like talking about why things make me uncomfortable, then multiply that by like a zillion.

miley cyrus

7. Sitting on a stuffed animal like that is just going to ruin it. And I'm not buying you a new one, baby Miley!

miley cyrus

8. Throwing food is impolite! 

miley cyrus

9. Imagine seeing this face in the baby monitor in the middle of the night? This is why I mentioned calling a priest earlier.

miley cyrus

10. Truthfully, I don't even mind the baby bottle bong if it means Miley's gonna chill out and not make that scary possessed face anymore.

miley cyrus

Bet you're dying to see the whole video (and hear the song) now, huh? Check it out -- but maybe wear headphones if you're at work, cause @#%*!

So, whaddya think? You want to know what I think? I think SHE'S JUST BEING MILEY. Hey, somebody had to say it.

 

Images via MileyCyrusVEVO/YouTube 

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