10 Quotes From Comedians on Spending Thanksgiving With Family (PHOTOS)

Jenny Erikson | Nov 25, 2015 Celebrities
10 Quotes From Comedians on Spending Thanksgiving With Family (PHOTOS)

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It's that time of year again -- time to get together with family, giving thanks that you don't have to see those crazy people every single day of the year. Just kidding -- mostly. Spending Thanksgiving with family is truly a magical time, but let's not pretend it doesn't sometimes come with a side dish of hilarity.

More from The Stir: 16 Thanksgiving Quotes About Gratitude & Grace

No one sums up Thanksgiving more succinctly than these 10 comedians, who have obviously been there and done that. Just think about this when people are starting to get on your nerves on Turkey Day -- at least it will make for a great story.


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  • David Letterman


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    "Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My mom, after six Bloody Marys, looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'"

  • Jim Gaffigan


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    "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'"

  • Amy Poehler


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    "Neither Tina [Fey] or I have sisters in real life ... We are each other's chosen sister. We're kind of like sisters and our parents are show business. We call each other to complain about how mom and dad have treated us at Thanksgiving."

  • Erma Bombeck


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    "Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."

  • Jimmy Kimmel


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    "Fifty percent of the nation is covered in snow. Record low temperatures, a very cold autumn so far. But on the bright side, you're one good ice storm away from getting out of Thanksgiving with the in-laws."

  • Johnny Carson


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    "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."

  • Kristen Wiig


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    "At parties, I'll start talking and notice everyone is looking at me and feel dumb and say, 'Forget it,' and then start eating things."

  • Phyllis Diller


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    "My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

  • Rita Rudner


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    "My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow."

  • Stephen Colbert


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    "Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."

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