10 Awesomely Un-PC Jerry Seinfeld Jokes That Wouldn’t Fly on College Campuses Today

Are people too sensitive to enjoy a good joke these days? There are on college campuses at least, according to comedians who avoid them at all costs. Jerry Seinfeld agreed, saying that college kids are too politically correct to enjoy humor, and they don't even know what they're talking about.

Advertisement

The comedy legend was talking to ESPN's Colin Cowherd last week about the PC culture, and the host brought up comments from other comedians about colleges being so sensitive.

Seinfeld agreed, and shared a personal story about a conversation that took place between his wife and 14-year-old daughter. His wife commented to their daughter, "In the next couple of years, I think maybe you're going to want to hang around the city more on the weekends so you can see boys."

Perfectly innocent and more likely than not true, right? Teenage girls like hanging out with boys. It's OK, the boys like it too. But this girl was having none of it, and told her mother that that was "sexist."

Um ... OK. Seinfeld pointed out the problem with kids these days, saying, "They just want to use these words. 'That's racist, that's sexist, that's prejudice.' They don’t even know what they’re talking about."

More from The Stir: Jerry Seinfeld's Rant Nails All the Problems With Putting Our Kids to Bed

He admitted that he avoids college campuses when booking shows, and it's probably good that he does. In honor of Jerry Seinfeld calling out the PC ridiculousness of the day, here are 10 of his best jokes that would upset the hell out of 20-year-olds wearing skinny jeans and sipping on $35/pound fair trade espresso.

  1. You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
  2. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
  3. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
  4. According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
  5. Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
  6. I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.
  7. See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.
  8. A friend of mine is going in for a nose job next week. Guy. You know what the technical term for a nose job is? Rhinoplasty! Rhino! This guy is aware he has a bit of a problem ... he’s obviously sensitive about it, that’s why he made the appointment. Do we really need to compare him to a goddamn rhinoceros?
  9. I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people ... They're hanging in there with the chopsticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. I'm impressed by that. I don't know how they missed it. A Chinese farmer gets up, works in the field with the shovel all day ... Shovel ... Spoon ... Come on ... There it is. You're not plowing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues.
  10. Just what is the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics? Is it still just the two spaces?

What your favorite Seinfeld joke?

 

Image via Splash News

Read More >