Amber Rose's Insane Swimsuit Selfies Defy the Laws of Physics (PHOTOS)

Amber Rose swimsuitI wouldn't normally write an entire article about a celebrity’s swimsuit selfie series, but these particular swimsuit selfies are one of the most astounding things I think I’ve ever seen on Instagram. Amber Rose — who is, according to her Wikipedia page, an American hip hop artist, model, actress, and fashion designer — posted a number of photos of herself rocking a bathing suit which I guess is technically a one-piece, although it pretty much defies description. 

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What I’m about to show you is NSFW, unless your workplace is very understanding about your Internet browsing habits, so be forewarned. Also, you might want to put on a pair of extra comfy sweatpants, because even LOOKING at these images is giving me a turbo-wedgie.

Ready? Okay, here we go:

 

Wow. That is one impressive piece of butt floss. Oh, excuse me: G-string monokini.

She must have blown up Instagram’s servers this morning, because I had a heck of a time getting these images to load. You see the lengths I go to for you, dear readers? Seriously, that was my morning: trying to download Amber Rose’s semi-pornographic gravity-defying photographs while pondering my own fashion options for the day: should I wear the dingy beige four-hook bra or the five-hook one?

So listen, that wouldn’t be my personal choice of attire for chillin’ on a random balcony (I swear, I can actually feel my colon trembling in fear, and let’s be honest, if I tried to stuff my boobs in that getup they’d end up somewhere in my armpits), but I have to hand it to her, her body gives Kim Kardashian’s a run for its pirate booty. Props to her for managing to wear this thing long enough for someone to snap those photos (I assume the fabric ruptured shortly thereafter and flung itself into space) and for still looking like a comic book babe after giving birth in 2013.

Also, I appreciate the fact that she taught me some new terms today. “Fleekin,” for instance. “MILFIN.” And “Slayin.” Thank you, Amber Rose. And thank you for wearing that swimsuit so the rest of us don’t have to.

Does your butt hurt now? Just me?

Images via Instagram/AmberRose

 

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