'Heathers: The Musical' Is Coming: 10 Lines Begging to Be Turned Into Songs

heathersOkay, so maybe we're all struggling a bit right now with the concept of musicals -- given the recent televised trainwreck that was The Sound of Music Live! Understandable, to be sure. But here's something that's sure to cure your post-traumatic musical syndrome: Heathers, one of THE best teen movies ever made (not to mention the prototype for countless teen movies that followed), is being made into an Off-Broadway musical -- AND it's expected to open in March! 


See, didn't that make you feel better about the future of musical theatre? (Not to mention better about the future of humanity in general?) Of course, there is the truly terrifying possibility that the producers, etc., of this play will get everything all wrong -- which would be tragic, much like getting shot with "Ich lüge" bullets (well, Kurt and Ram kinda had that coming, didn't they?). 

Still, I prefer to remain optimistic about this one. Just for the hell of it! I mean, Heathers: The Musical can't possibly be any worse than that one about the life of Jesus set exclusively to Britney Spears music. And on that hopeful note, here are 10 songs I really, really hope to hear when Heathers hits the stage (inspired by classic one-liners from the film):

1. "What's Your Damage?"

2. "I Love My Dead Gay Son"

3. "Corn Nuts"

4. "F*ck Me Gently With a Chainsaw"

5. "Brain Tumor for Breakfast"

6. "Cool Guys Like You"

7. "Our Love Is God (Let's Go Get a Slushie)"

8. "Up-chuck Factor"

9. "Spoke in My Menstrual Cycle"

10. "Chaos (Is What Killed the Dinosaurs)"

Did I miss any??

Would you go to see Heathers: The Musical


Image via Amazon

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