Rob Kardashian Is Making Women's Tights Now -- Why, God, Why?

rob kardashian Rob Kardashian is troubled. Rob Kardashian is organizing his sneaker collection. Rob Kardashian is driving his car in tight, concentric circles because he hears a sound he cannot identify. Rob Kardashian is staring out the window of an apartment that is not his own. Rob Kardashian is staring at the Los Angeles skyline but he is not seeing the city's lights. Rob Kardashian is seeing his own searching face staring back at him. Rob Kardashian is thinking about his designer sock line. It's not much, he's thinking, but it's mine.

Rob Kardashian is thinking about building empires. Rob Kardashian called his company Arthur George. He named it that while wearing a fitted baseball cap and trying not to scream at his sisters who don't let him eat bread at the restaurants they frequent. Rob Kardashian's sisters have empires of their own, both on Earth and now conquered Throbtron.


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Rob Kardashian just wants to fix the holes in his designer socks. Just like the priest in that one Beatles song -- what's it called? Rob thinks of women's legs, how they'd look so good in his socks.

Rob Kardashian is going to make tights for the women who wear Arthur George socks in his mind. Forget that he's never worn tights a day in his life. He can understand the sensation of warmth, of being held in, guts restrained, striving for some idea of beauty that he doesn't understand but knows he must achieve.

Rob Kardashian calls his mother to tell her the news. He gets her voicemail. He leaves her a message. He tells her about a dream he had, one full of women -- not their faces, not even their lacquered mouths issuing constant, atonal assertions, nothing but their legs. He tells her about the patterns that danced down their shins, circled their ankles, slithered down their calves.

"Arthur George is going to make tights now, Mom," he told the answering machine. He thought about Bruce Jenner in his new mostly empty house, burning a bag of microwave popcorn. Rob's throat tightened. He spoke through the tears. "We're going to make tights, and they're going to be beautiful."

Would you ever buy tights designed by Rob Kardashian?


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