Amanda Bynes Rants Against NYPD, Says She'll Be a Singer/Rapper, Plots Her Next Nose Job

Amanda BynesI realize it's not easy to stay on top of all the Amanda Bynes craziness that's happened in the last few days, so here's a handy synopsis: first she was arrested for allegedly smoking pot in her apartment lobby then hurling a bong out her window, then she was evaluated for mental illness, then she claimed the cops who "illegally" entered her apartment sexually assaulted her by slapping her vagina, then she went off on a vicious attack against Rihanna on Twitter (highlights included "You look so ugly tryin to be white" and "Chris Brown beat you because you're not pretty enough").

At that point, Amanda Bynes took a good hard look at her life and decided to delete her Twitter account in order to focus on -- hahahaha, no. No, she jumped back online this morning to post a "final" tirade against the NYPD, and shared an intriguing glimpse into her upcoming career plans.


So here's what Bynes has to say about her arrest that went down last Thursday night:

For once and for all, this is the last thing I’ll say about the mistaken arrest. I’m suing NYPD for illegally entering my apartment, lying about drugs on me and lying about me tampering with non existent drug paraphernalia, then I’m suing for being put into a mental hospital against my will, then locked up overnight for coming home after a facial and working out with my trainer like the good girl that I am. I’m allergic to alcohol and drugs and don’t partake in any of the above. I’m so offended by all of this but so proud to not be a drug or alcohol user. I don’t need to talk about this anymore. My lawyer and I are taking this offense so seriously! Everything they did was against the law and The judge saw that there was no drugs on me or proof of any type of bong or mental illness (I was so offended to even be taken to a mental hospital and they would not let me call my lawyer until the next day after being in jail all night, then I went to court and was immediately released because the judge saw that I was wrongly arrested. The cops found no proof of any type of drug use or evidence of drug paraphernalia such as a bong in or around my apartment) I’m also suing my apartment complex for lying about me smoking in my building. I’m free forever! You can’t lock up an innocent person! Thanks for caring!

Wow. Look, I have no idea what's really going on with Amanda Bynes, but based on her Twitter feed alone I'm thinking this is about how that psychiatric evaluation went:

Of course, just because you're cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs doesn't mean you should be locked up, and that's why the Amanda Bynes Show will continue until she transitions out of this manic phase or the public loses interest. Bynes appears to be hoping she can leverage all this attention into a new kind of fame in the music industry:

Look forward to seeing me in music videos! I’m getting in shape and getting a nose job! I’m looking forward to a long and wonderful career as a singer/rapper!

Hey, do you think it's possible this whole Bynes meltdown has been a complicated Joaquin-Phoenix-esque hoax intended to explore the relationship between the media and the public and the nature of celebrity obsession? I mean, it has all the same elements: months of bizarre behavior followed by a seemingly inexplicable interest in becoming a hip-hop star.

Then again, maybe Amanda Bynes really IS just plain nuts. The world may never know. By the way, here's a hint at what Amanda Bynes, Musical Superstar might look like, based on the "iconic" video she posted in April:

So, what do you think -- will we be seeing Amanda Bynes' singing career take off soon?

Image via @AmandaBynes/Twitter

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