Gwyneth Paltrow's Abs Brag Shows She Needs to Exercise Some Restraint

Gwyneth PaltrowYou know, despite her status as the most hated celebrity in Hollywood, I don't think Gwyneth Paltrow is a terrible person. In fact, I suspect she's actually sort of fun to hang out with, if you don't mind enduring the occasional lecture about the evils of dairy, sugar, gluten, and soy. My theory on the reason Gwyneth Paltrow makes so many people crazy is this: she has a downright ingenious knack for saying exactly the wrong thing to the media.

I mean, it's almost admirable how many times she's put her well-toned foot in her mouth. (One of my favorites: "Beauty fades! I just turned 29, so I probably don't have that many good years left in me.") Paltrow earned some eye rolls earlier this month when she said she had the butt of a 22-year-old stripper, and she certainly didn't waste any time one-upping that comment. Her latest boast? Her abs are superior to Madonna's -- but to save her friend's feelings, she won't "rub it in."


To her credit, Paltrow didn't randomly just announce out of nowhere that her body -- or at least her core routine -- was more awesome than Madonna's. The comment came during a sit-down with Ireland's Independent, whose interviewer gave her some hypothetical scenarios and asked her say whether they applied to her or not. When questioned whether she'd call up her pal Madonna in order to announce that her abs were far superior, Paltrow responded with a laugh,

No, I don't think I would. Why rub it in? Let's face it. I'll Polaroid my abs and text them to her.

When you have the full context, it's obviously a joke. But naturally, when the media got ahold of the story, it was turned into headlines like: Gwyneth Paltrow Has Better Abs Than Madonna and Everyone Knows It: "Why Rub It In?" and Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks She Has a Better Body Than Her Former Friend Madonna.

So I think Gwyneth Paltrow's problem is that she needs, like, a shit-ton of media training. I don't think she's actually an insufferable braggart asshole, I think she just blurts out things without thinking about how they'll be turned into an incriminating sound bite later.

Granted, that doesn't explain every single annoying comment she's ever made ("One of my most negative qualities is the perfectionism that I have" -- pardon me while I barf a tiny bit of organic macrobiotic green smoothie in my mouth), but I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt on this abs quote.

However, that doesn't mean I want to hear one more word about her body, diet, or lifestyle. Gwyneth, for the love of GOOP, help us out here and put a cork in your blab-hole for a while. The world needs a break from your amazing perfectionism.

What's your take on Gwyneth Paltrow? Do you think she's actually as irritating as she comes across in the media?

Image via MingleMediaTVNetwork/Flickr

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