Tom Cruise's Priesthood Dreams Dashed By Booze (But It's Not Too Late!)

tom for popeWell. Talk about divine intervention. Talk about a sign from the lord above! Turns out back when Tom Cruise was a teen, it wasn't Scientology that rocked his religious boat -- it was Catholicism. In fact, Cruise was so heaven-bent on having a friend in Jesus that he planned to become a priest -- a priest!! He even attended Cincinnati's St. Francis Seminary School for a while, until a little risky business threw him off course. What kind of risky business, you ask? Altar-jumping, perhaps? No, no, those are latter-day Cruise antics; Tom and a buddy got busted for stealing booze from the Franciscan fathers and hiding it in the woods, where some classmates found it and got wasted. Whoops!


According to Tom's partner-in-crime, "The school wrote a letter to our parents saying they liked us both, but would prefer if we didn't return."

Well, like Mother Superior said in The Sound of Music, When God closes a door, he opens a window ... and we all know where Tom ended up when he jumped out of that window.

But it's not too late for Tom to follow his true vocation!! Especially since a position just opened up at the Vatican ... and what an opportunity!

Tom Cruise is totally, totally qualified to take over as the next Pope. Think about it: He's used to luxury goods and high fashion (he would totally rock those red Prada shoes!). He's in between marriages, so no wife to worry about. Private butler? Um, I think Tom would be A-OK with that idea. All he has to do is switch from Xenu back to Jesus.

Let God's will be done. Amen.

Do you think Tom Cruise should be the next Pope?


Image via El Hormiguero/Flickr/Jacqueline Burt

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