Chris Brown Thinks He’s Jesus & We Think He Needs a Bible Lesson

chris brown jesusChris Brown's paintingJust when you thought Chris Brown couldn't become more of a cocky, self-aggrandizing sociopath ... the rapper goes ahead and compares himself to Jesus. Yes. Yes, he did. Not in an ironic social commentary sort of way, either, like when John Lennon said The Beatles were "more popular than Jesus." No, Chris Brown apparently feels downright crucified these days, what with all the haters saying he assaulted Frank Ocean in a parking lot. And just to make sure everyone understands exactly how it feels to be nailed to a cross, Brown painted a picture, with this caption: "Painting the way I feel today. Focus on what matters!"

Who knew turning water into wine could give a guy abs like that?! Holy Six Pack!


And is it me, or is Jesus wearing a wreath of holly instead of a crown of thorns? Anyway, point is, either Chris Brown is very confused about who Jesus was and what he taught or he's completely delusional or both (maybe he's confused because "Chris" and "Christ" look almost the same?), but the 23-year-old rapper is hardly Messiah material. To prove it, let's have a little Bible Q&A session. Okay, here goes:

Q: What Would Jesus Do ... if someone punched him in the face?

A: "Turn the other cheek."

Q. What Would Chris Brown Do ... if someone punched him in the face?

A. "Sorry, Chris can't answer that question; he's being taken away in handcuffs at the moment."

Q: What Would Jesus Do ... if he had a Twitter account?

A. "Love your enemies!"

Q: What Does Chris Brown Do ... with His Twitter account?

A: Post homophobic slurs, of course.

Q: What Would Jesus Do ... if he were in a relationship? How would he treat the lady?

A: "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you."

Q: What Does Chris Brown Do ... when he's in a relationship? How does he treat a lady?

A: He beats the stuffing out of her and then gets a tattoo of her battered face on his neck.


Image via Chris Brown's Instagram

Read More >