'50 Shades of Grey' Movie Needs Alexander Skarsgard for These 50 Inches -- Um, REASONS

Alexander SkarsgardPacking some serious meat. Er, heat.We're in agreement that Alexander Skarsgard is one of the hottest men on the planet, right? And that he should totally be cast in Fifty Shades of Grey because the movie's screenwriter says she's angling for an adults-only NC-17 rating and that means NAKED ALEXANDER SKARSGARD? And that the reason we want to see a naked Alexander Skarsgard isn't just because his body looks like it's been carved from a tall gorgeous slab of marble -- it's also because his penis is so freaking huge, I'm shocked it doesn't have its own state quarter.

Look, I'm not saying I've seen it in person, or anything. I'm just saying that based on a certain photo that's floating around the web, Skarsgard's shlong should be on a damn Wheaties box. It's that impressive. It's Fifty Shades of HEYYYYYYYYY.


Okay, so apparently Alexander Skarsgard was at the Warner Bros./InStyle Golden Globes Party last night and there's this FANTASTIC photo of him where he's standing all tall and dapper and decked out in a sleek gray suit, but when you take a closer look at his pants, there are all sorts of things that might pop into your mind. For instance:

Because hello, Alexander Skarsgard's penis is a five-dollar footlong. He's fully clothed and this photo is totally safe for work, but you might want to sit down or something first. Are you ready? Here you go.

Now, some of the naysayers among you might insist this is a trick of the light, or a crease in his pants, but WHY NOT JUST TELL A CHILD SANTA IS A LIE, TOO? Me, I prefer to believe Skarsgard's dick is so big, it has its own agent. And I hope that agent's working on a heck of a deal for Fifty Shades. Laters, baby.

So, what do you think? Weird shadow, or real deal?

Images via Gage Skidmore, robin_24, pboyd04/Flickr

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