If Robert Pattinson Were a Stripper, His Name Would Be ...

robert pattinson Admit it: You've totally thought about what your stripper name would be. Relax, relax -- I'm not saying you're planning on a career as an exotic dancer, just saying you've thought about some possible stage monikers. On a strictly theoretical basis. How could you NOT? Stripping is one of the only professions where you get to invent an entirely new identity for yourself, complete with costume AND alias -- well, except for priests and/or nuns, I guess, and they don't usually trade up to anything fun (I've never heard of a Sister Mary Sweet Cheeks, have you?).

Admit this, too: You've totally thought about what Robert Pattinson's stripper name would be. (At the very least, you've thought about Robert Pattinson stripping.) Well, guess what? Today is your lucky day, because we're gonna tell you exactly what Robert Pattinson's stripper name would be -- not to mention Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie ... even President Barack Obama.


That's right, and it's all thanks to rapper Juicy J. I don't actually know that much about Juicy J, but what I DO know is that he put the best thing ever on his website, which is a stripper name generator.

A STRIPPER NAME GENERATOR. I know! What could be more fun? (Besides a Honey Boo Boo Name Generator, but been there, done that.)

Anyway, check out these hot celeb stripper names!

Robert Pattinson = Dallas Silvercock

Kristen Stewart = Montana Ambersizzle

Taylor Lautner = Peter Rustyrider

Brad Pitt = Harry Machowillie

Angelina Jolie = Diamond Tightwhip

Alexander Skarsgard = Matt Hardbutt

Ryan Gosling = Dixon Rockycock

Kim Kardashian = Starr Nighttower

Lindsay Lohan = Jade Tightkiss

And, just for fun:

Mitt Romney = Jack Studballs

Barack Obama = Red Studstreak

Did I lie? That's a good time right there. Oh, and by the way? Pleased to meet you, my name is Roxie Passioncocker.

What's your stripper name?


Image via Sheri Reed

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