Britney Spears' Novel Will Make You Laugh & Cry (But Mostly Laugh)

'Twas a dark and stormy night on the set of the megapopular singing competition show XYZ Factor when blonde pop icon Brittany Steeles looked in the mirror. She was again on the top of the world. A world away from that confusing time when she shaved her head in a bizarre attempt to look like Telly Savalas. Why had she done that? she chastized herself. Was it because she was still not over Jake Oakwoodlake? Brittany had to admit that despite her marriage to another man, which produced her two adorable boys, Shawn and J-Den, she still considered Oakwoodlake her true love ...

If you can't wait to read what happens next, then you're in luck! The Hollywood Reporter says that Britney Spears is in talks to write a "fictionalized" version of her life. I really don't know how the fictionalized version could get any weirder than the real version, but one thing is for sure. If this report is true, you've got some really bad fiction coming your way, my friends.


Sources say that Britney will follow in the writing footsteps of novel-dabblers like Lauren Conrad and Snooki, whose books also contained elements of their real lives. Of course, stars usually don't actually write the book, but I doubt anyone who'd buy this kind of book really cares.

Besides Brittany (talented but emotionally-fragile child star turned sexy singing icon) and Jake Oakwoodlake (talented child star who, against the odds, became an immensely successful adult star and is now married to a former TV star, Jessika Beetle), here are some other characters I'm guessing the novel will have:

Kellen Fodderblind: A former back-up dancer who hits the big time when he meets Brittany in a nightclub. He soon leaves his pregnant girlfriend behind to marry the star, only to quickly become disenchanted with her hard-partying ways. He starts to eat a lot.

Sami Lofti: After meeting Brittany in a nightclub (this is where everyone meets her), Sami quickly becomes Brittany's manager, but soon finds himself embroiled in her drug addictions and family dramas. Brittany's father punches him.

Sliman Coward: Creator of the popular XYZ Factor talent competition, Sliman is betting on Brittany to save his show from sinking ratings. But his faith in her is quickly tested as her diva-like antics threaten to derail his career forever.

You get the picture. And I'm thinking I've got the perfect ghost writer for this train wreck -- someone who can pen prose more purple than a friendly dinosaur named Barney: E.L. James!

And if E.L. isn't available, I'm willing to take a crack at it. Call me, Brit.

Would you read a novel written by Britney Spears?

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